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Saturday Morning workshop with John

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 16:32:00 GMT

I was at John Friend's workshop yesterday, volunteering and taking it, so I spent the whole day there from 7am to 7pm. When I got home last night I was too exhausted to write. So here are my thoughts from yesterday's workshop staring with the Universal and then a more personal entry.

The Universal

Yesterday John used the theme of kundalini. Kundalini literally means "the coiled one" and it refers to how shakti coils up at the base of the spine like a snake. We as yogis, with discipline, try to create a strong enough vessel so that when the energy opens and releases to the crown of the head we can sustain the opening. John is chock-full of radiant facts about energetics, philosophy, history. He has such a vast landscape of knowledge, that I often will research some of his allusions and to my delight end up learning so many interesting facts which help support my teaching.

He promised everyone in the room- in both Mixed Level workshops and the Intermediate/Advanced workshop that we were all going to have an opening. He alluded to the idea that light crystallizes thereby creates form and that spirit is condensed matter. He kept reminding us to the see light in everyone, instead of just the differences.

I audited the second session of the Mixed Level workshop and was able to write the entire sequence.

It was a hip opening session:

Uttanasana

Lunge with the back knee down, forearms on the inside, bow down...

Pigeon

Parsvottanasana

Uttanasana

Parivrtta Parsvakonasana with the back knee down

Baddha Konasana

Janu Sirsasana

Upavista Konasana

Parsva Upavista Konasana

Supine Tadasana

Supta Padangusthasana

Supta Pdg. with the leg to the side

Supta baby cradle

Janu Sirsasana

Ardha Matsyendrasana

Triangamukhaikapada pashimottanasana

Marichyasana #5

Uttanasana

And instead of just writing the sequence down, I was really trying to see how John was teaching. I noticed he had the students in the poses for a LONG time- maybe two minutes each side. I noticed how he doesn't immediately start with alignment but usually with an inspiring fact/talk about oneness. He is so funny, he really gets people to soften- it's all first principle. Then he brings in the other principles and they are so clear, each one of them. He really gets people to engage so that they can have an opening, in every pose. Every pose matters. He is the best asana teacher I've ever studied with, a true master. And one of the funniest people I know!

The Personal

I've been feeling a little tired after four days of intense yoga! In this workshop, unlike the Advanced Intensive, we are not practicing silence. Which is totally fine- it was a blast to see so many friends, so many fellow teachers, so many students under one roof.

That said I had an insight- I was practicing next to a lovely yogi/friend/student and at one moment she said that she was tired. I said as a way of empathy and also because it was true "oh, I'm tired too." And then later she repeated it and I repeated it as well: "yes, I'm so tired." And then it hit me- the more I was repeating it the stronger I was making that thought in my field. Unlike the Advanced Intensive where I wasn't chatting with others, I suddenly realized that what we say really matters as it helps strengthen (or weaken) our field of energy. I decided to not feed into any negative thought for the rest of the workshop as an experiment.

Whatever we say, we start to believe. Of course there are moments when we are tired or sad and we need to honor them.

But I also think that often we just chat and speak in excess, and what we say matters. What we say has an effect. I've been thinking of the friends I have who always have something to complain about. I have even more compassion for them because I know how easy it is to get to that place.

I hope this make sense.

That said- I'm tired today! And I am glad in a way, that I won't be at the workshop today so that my body can rest.

And of course I am also so sad to not be at the workshop with all my friends, practicing with my beloved teacher.

It's my turn today to teach at Black Dog Yoga's Teacher Training. Although I will miss being with John one more day, I cannot wait to see the trainees and share with them all this wonderful knowledge, and be of service.

Jai John!

Advanced Intensive, day 3: Lakshmi

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:52:00 GMT

"Happy Devi Day" said John and with that he greeted us today Friday, the last day of the Advanced Intensive. "Friday" after all is named after the Celtic Goddess Freya and in Spanish "Friday" is Viernes which comes from the Goddess Venus. So today traditionally has been a day designated to honor the Divine Feminine.

On this last day of our Intensive our focus was on Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, of abundance, of good fortune. It's no coincidence that her name is a cognate with the English word "luck." Beautiful Lakshmi resting on a lotus, the culmination of outer and inner beauty, Lakshmi symbolizes abundance. John kept using the analogy of a ripe fruit. Of how if you wait too long you the fruit will rot but when it's ripe, when it's time to eat it, ah, it's delicious, succulent, divine.

John reminded us over and over that every single day is precious. To not take it for granted, to not take other's for granted. To not take our practice for granted. To do our best every single day- 100%. Every day we will do our best and we will hit the boundary of our potential. And by going to our edge constantly, our ability to hold shakti expands and grows. So all that we will do is the best we can!

In the teachings of the poses, especially in the morning session he kept comparing Kali to Lakshmi- Kali being raw power and Lakshmi to those final stages of the pose when you are holding the pose and continuing to expand the light. He told the teachers in the room that one simple instruction that would have the students honor the goddess was to simply say: "smile."

Some quotes from John:

"Give it your all!"

"Go out like the sunset!"

"Play the edge by maintaining the integrity of the 3 A's."

"If you do the best you can, you are growing every day."

"When you are seeing something beautiful, you are seeing the divine."

Speaking of playing the edge this mornings' poses included: tons of Urdhvas, Dwi Pada Viparita Dandasanas, Headstand drop overs, Valakhilyasana, Natarajasana, Mandalasana, Urdhva Kukutasana and other strange poses that I attempted with a smile and came out quickly.

The demo's were beautiful. I've noticed that after all these years of studying and teaching Anusara, my relationship to the demo's has changed and grown with time. Before I used to compare a lot and go into that dark place of "Oh I'm not good enough...I will never be able to do that...look at her, she probably was a gymnast, there's no way I can do that..."

Now when I watch my fellow yogis demoing a pose I feel like I am them and that I am with them every step of the way. I learn from the way they do the pose. And when they get praised, it is my triumph as well- it is as if I got praised. In fact, one of my biggest learning experiences has been watching Sianna Sherman and Darren Rhodes demo poses, and seeing the way they approach their pose.

So today I was called to demo. Yep, it happened. There's nothing like John calling you to demo, and out of all workshops at the Advanced Intensive! It becomes surreal. As soon as he called my name I started to chant my mantra even more and didn't stop. I smiled and nodded as he called the pose (Sirsasana 2 to Eka Pada Galavasana). I get really nervous whenever John asks me to demo and when I get nervous, I rush. So I found myself starting to rush and I paused and softened to the Goddess. John very sweetly praised that. I went up and attempted to do the pose and at the end I couldn't quite do it. I was smiling and felt good regardless. John was very sweet and told me to try it from standing- I never felt diminished, in fact, I felt like I did really good and that everyone in that room was cheering for me. I tried the pose again and it went beautifully! Then John had me stand up and said really complimentary things about me. I was shaking and smiling and he said something like "that Maria Cristina she is always smiling, all the time, even in times when she is in pain." Afterwards I thought, "my god how does he know that? It's true! That's how I am!"

I felt so proud to have been asked to demo and to have been seen by my beloved teacher. I know that I couldn't have done that without watching year after year so many graceful yogis, literally year after year: Sianna, Darren, Kenny, Tanya, my God, too many to name.

I will continue to watch and learn not only from John but from how Lakshmi shows up in my fellow yogis.

And now it's time for TV watching to balance all the spirituality.

Tomorrow I'm volunteering for the Mixed Level so we have to be there by 7am and then I'm taking the Intermediate/Advanced workshop. More tomorrow!

Advanced Intensive, day 2: Saraswati

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 02:41:00 GMT

I'm dividing this blog entry into two parts: the universal and the personal. The universal being what John taught, as clearly as I can record it and the personal being my insights from today's practice...

The Universal:

John started with a Tantric axiom which was: "The Highest First." Meaning that one should always start with the most important lesson first. Train the mind to go to the highest first, and then the rest and the details follow. He asked us what the highest was from yesterdays' teaching and the answer was: Remember the Goddess. That the Goddess is everywhere, she takes the form of our breath, of our bodies, of ourselves. May we remember her always.

He then asked us to write different attributes of the Goddess:

She is free, svatantrya. She wants you to be free.

She pulsates: She has spanda. A throbbing, a pulsation.

She is Chit: she is Consciousness.

She is purna, perfect within herself.

She is shri, beautiful, auspicious.

She is ananda, blissful.

John reminded us that when he chose Anusara's logo (which is a downward pointing triangle inside a heart) he chose that triangle because it's Shakti's glyph. In Anusara we are not trying to control Nature, we are not trying to control our breath, we are not trying to control our bodies, we are simply trying to align with the Shakti and dance with her. And because she is Nature and because she is Spanda and because she is alive and conscious, she is always moving and changing and we have to be adept and skillful enough to align with her so that grace can pour into our lives. We have to be sensitive to her so that we can move with her.

Today we focused on a different form of the Goddess, this one called Saraswati. Saraswati is the Goddess of knowledge and the arts. "Sara" means flow and "swa" means one's own. Saraswati is a beautiful artistic woman, resting on a swan, with a peacock beside her. She holds a veena, an instrument similar to a guitar with two of her four arms. Another holds the Vedas, while another holds mala beads. She is the Goddess of language, of the arts, of music. She is said to be the mother of all artists, musicians and students. She is also the Goddess of order. Language for instance has order, a sequence.

Saraswati is in you as you line up your feet in a standing pose, setting your foundation. She is in you as you practice saucha, the first of the five niyamas. She is in you as you go through the principles of alignment in order, in sequence (krama). She is in you as you speak articulately. She is in you as you move with grace.

John reminded us that the Universal Principles of Alignment are not John Friend's principles but rather they are universal. They benefit everyone. Everyone -for instance- needs to have their thigh bones rooted back before they do tailbone. There is an order to alignment and whenever we honor that order we are honoring Saraswati. Life has order; the body has an order. John talked about Fibonnacci numbers and sacred geometry. If you've ever read John's musings on Tweeter you know how much he is into this stuff. It is so nice to hear, so peaceful for me to hear that underneath it all there is an order to Nature, to life...

Beautiful quote inspired by Saraswati which John mentioned from esteemed Tantric scholar Douglas Brooks. Before he speaks, he would say to John: "May Saraswati dance on my tongue."

In the afternoon session John asked a yogi named Betty (not sure of the spelling of her name) to sing us a song. She stood on the stage, looked at all of us, took a breath, sang om and then went into a jazz song that I'm not familiar with. I closed my eyes and drank her song and so admired her grace.

The Personal:

Today's practice in the morning was hard for me. I felt stiff and anava mala would come up in the form of "this is too hard, I'm getting old, I'm not in shape anymore..." And yet I kept lining up, chanting my mantra, praying to the Goddess. I had my mala beads that a beloved teacher gave to me back in 2002 and today Manoj out of the blue gifted me with a new set of mala beads- so sweet. So I had all my spiritual bling and I needed it! It's the Advanced Intensive! I was feeling tight on my shoulders and was starting to get a bit of shoulder muscular pain. I had my dear friend and beloved teacher Tiffany Fraser practicing next to me so I breathed her light. We partnered the whole day, supporting each other.

This morning we did so many backbends! We did urdhvas, then we went into dwi pada viparita dandasana; into one legged dwi pada, into partner dwi pada. I kept going back to the principles and really concentrating on the order of the principles so that the Goddess could move through me. Then John took us through the four pigeons: Eka Pada Rajakapotasana 1, 2, 3 and 4. I surprised myself by being able to do Eka Pada Rajakapotasana #3 which is the one with the front leg in virasana and the back leg in full pigeon- did both sides! Huge breakthrough. You never know when a breakthrough is going to come! You just show up and hope it happens.

My insight this morning was that I don't have to work so hard. May I open to this bigger energy and let her play the music. May I be humble to her. May I continue to the principles in order as one of a myriad ways of paying homage to her.

John suggested to us that after we practice we ask ourselves three questions:

1) Did I gain insight into myself?

2) Did I align with her?

3) Give thanks to her.

He also reminded us that advanced students:

1) Bring meaning to their practice

2) Have a mindful awareness of alignment

3) Have balance of action

In the afternoon my shoulder/neck pain was strong enough that I was seriously thinking of taking Advil. When John mentioned we were going to do Headstands and Shoulder Stands my heart was not ecstatic. But I stayed put, I didn't escape to the bathroom, I didn't pretend I had my period. I kept trying to put into practice all the teachings.

First we did some beautiful hip openers and then went into viloma pranayama. And then it happened- something really cool. I started to feel some stirrings of energy I would describe as kundalini-like. My body was moving side to side and it felt like I was a harp that was being played. I did my best to not go into any thoughts about this including: "this is weird. this is cool. this is advanced. i'm having a kundalini awakening, finally! this is weird and I'm weird. thank god my family cannot see this...etc etc." I just let it be. I'm not better or worse than anyone in the room- I was just having an experience. And here's the most beautiful thing- afterwards the pain left. Gone. No more shoulder/neck pain. I had a great headstand and shoulders stand and lovely afternoon.

I got home and like Manoj suggested, sat in front of Durga and mediated on her form. As if one cue, one of my cats- Gigi- walked to my lap so I became a version of Durga with my own little tiger underneath.

I am so blessed that yoga found me and so blessed for the order that it has given to my life.

Thank you John.

Jai Saraswati!

Advanced Intensive, day 1: Kali

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:37:00 GMT

Well here we are, it's the Advanced Intensive 2010!

Been going to Tucson for the last 5 years to do John's Advanced Intensive, the hardest, most kick-ass workshop he teaches. This is the first time we are doing it here in Los Angeles. Tucson will be missed for sure: all the eccentric characters on the street, the incredibly yummy restaurants and hearing Darren's soulful introductions.

And yet I am so excited on a purely selfish level not to have to travel. To be able to do John Friend's hardest workshop at a venue literally five minutes drive from my house, where I can come home during lunch break and relax with my kitties, do a restorative pose, and then head back? Amazing!

Plus, John has done something quite special this time- he has asked us to treat the venue as a mandir, just like he did in Maui back in September with Ram Dass. So we were instructed on how to enter and exit the temple. We were also asked to observe silence. And one detail that touched my heart, John greeted every one of us individually as we entered the room- how sweet!

This might be my favorite Advanced Intensive ever!

Here's the deal: whenever I'm surrounded by a lot of people (there are about 200 in this workshop) and whenever the energy is very high and loud, I freak out. I don't do vatta very well. So I was a little nervous about this upcoming workshop. But, because we are all observing silence and practicing containment, John has created a sacred and beautiful space. And interestingly enough even though the practice was hard (we did about 20 urdhvas in the morning practice), it was not exhausting because we are not burning ourselves out with excess talking, chatting, etc.

I also love the way John has been with us so far- very disciplined, very serious, very strict. I love that side of him! I like him when he's tough with us! He so wants us to be present, to be here, to be respectful of the Shakti. Thank God I have someone like that in my life, who reminds me to pay attention, to stay awake, to honor the Goddess.

John has divided the workshop in three days: first day is Kali, second day is Saraswati and the third day is Lakshmi. Today was Kali, the devourer of time. Raw power condensed in the form of a beautiful woman, with her tongue sticking out, her full breasts hanging out, her hair wild, a necklace of skulls, a belt made of hands, myriad arms carrying scythes, tridents, human heads, oh my! What a figure to behold- all the while dancing atop Siva.

All through the six hour workshop today, John reminded us that the Goddess is breathing us, that we are her, that we are moving across her space. That it is an honor to dance with her.

The practice per se was challenging but not insane-I'm hoping the very talented and brilliant Christina Sell writes the sequence as she usually does in her blog, since I can't write a sequence when I'm practicing; get too caught up in it.

I think all of us in that room were very focused today in terms of our alignment, breath and intention.

And as a way of really helping myself to be present I chanted silently a mantra all day.

John is my teacher, he means the world to me and I want to do my best. I also want to get out of my way so that the energy can flow through me with greater ease.

There was one moment when he told us to do handstands in the middle of the room no partners. I thought "oh well, I usually can't stick one but I'll try". There were people literally all around me so I had to be careful if I fell to the side. I found my breath, set my hands, went up and balanced, for a long while! I kept thanking the Goddess during the handstand. I came down and bowed. There was no clapping, there were in fact no demos today. It was all very contained, very powerful, very transformative, very Kali.

One last thing: Kali is a form of Durga, who is a form of Shakti, the creative energy of the world. Speaking of Durga, I finally gave in after all these years and bought my first murti from my friend Manoj. She is a very colorful Durga, riding atop a tiger with her eight arms. I had seen this Durga last year when John came to LA and I was helping Manoj set up. I told him I wanted the Durga statue but I couldn't afford it. A year went by. Yesterday I was volunteering with the kula helping to set up the venue (led by Tanya who is hosting and who by the way, couldn't be lovelier). When Manoj arrived I walked over and hugged him and without missing a beat he said, "I still have your Durga." I bought it right there and she is next to me as I write this.

Jai Durga! Jai Kali!

Courage

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:40:00 GMT

Inspired by the exhibition I saw over the weekend at the Skirball Museum on the Civil Rights movement, I've been teaching about courage. I've been thinking about the courageous men and women who were involved in the Civil Rights movement, and wondering if I would have been as courageous as the Freedom Riders were; all those people who stood up against injustice.

I don't know the answer. But yoga teaches us that we contain within us the entire universe within us, so we all have the capacity for courage. We all have the ability to connect to the best part of us, the right-brained part of us that is one with everything, and move from that place.

In my own life, the moments that I've been my most courageous have been moments when I was fighting for something bigger than me, and when I connected to something bigger than my fear. It applies to dramatic moments of literally trying to save someone's life, as well as more mundane moments like trying to do a scary yoga pose. In both situations my fear was overcome by something else: a desire to help, to be of service, to grow...

One of my first yoga teachers used to say that your desire has to be greater than your fear in order to do a handstand. Handstand was a really scary pose for me when I began yoga years ago- now I do it every single day!

So in the last few classes, I've been teaching the poses that are said to develop courage: backbends.

Theme: Courage

Focus: First Principle

Class sequence

So- if I'm teaching backbends I know that I have to open the student's shoulders and hips. I have to have their bodies warm and supple, as well as make sure that their backs have been opened with twists, side stretches and forward bends. Not to mention thigh stretches, which are very important since one of the quadriceps is a hip flexor. So backbends require an enormous time of preparation to get the body ready.

And at the same time I've been playing around with trying to warm up the student's without agitating their nervous system. So that they are not fatigued and exhausted by the time they get to the backbends.

Lastly, I have to make sure I have plenty of time to wind them down.

Started with a down dog, some warm up and about 5 slow, mindful surya namakars.

A few standing poses including parsvakonasana and warrior 1.

Handstand and Handstand with backbend

Some forward bends and twists...

Hip Openers and Thigh stretches...

Backbends: locust, cobra, dhanurasana, bridge, urdhva, one armed urdhva, one legged urdhva, and drop backs!

Supta Padangusthasana

Agnistambasana

Ardha Matsyendrasana

Happy Baby

Savasana

Anusara Poster Project Pose:

Level 1 Backbends- been going through all of them!

PS. John is coming to town. Advanced Intensive is this week- Just got an email from John about his intention for the workshop. We will be exploring the divine feminine: Kali on Wednesday, Saraswati on Thursday and Lakshmi on Friday. Am getting very excited about it. And a bit nervous- we'll be doing The Eye of the Tiger sequence.

Courage!

Freedom Riders

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 00:12:00 GMT

I took myself to the Skirball Museum. They have a powerful exhibit on the Civil Rights Movement, since February is Black History month. The Civil Rights Movement has always been incredibly inspiring to me. I had spoken about Rosa Parks in one of my classes and one of my students -Michael- who works at the museum, generously gave me tickets so I could go to this particular exhibit. So I finally went and spent my day there.

I was particularly moved by the portraits of the Freedom Riders. In spring of 1961, men, women, blacks and whites came together in Jackson, Mississippi to challenge segregation laws. Over 300 were arrested and their mug shot, name and personal information was recorded.

A few years ago, photographer Eric Etheridge's passion took him to research this time in history. He found hundreds of mug shots of these Freedom Riders. He proceeded to meet with about a hundred of them, interviewed them and took their picture. The exhibit shows the Freedom Riders in the present, as well as their mug shot, which was taken 50 years ago.

Looking at these pictures was a spiritual experience in itself. There they are, the Freedom Riders in the present, with their mug shot beside them. They are the same person, so they look exactly alike. And yet it's 50 years later so they are so different. But a quality in their eyes remains the same...

I was reminded of something that Tantric scholar Douglas Brook says which is really one of the most beautiful distillations of Tantric non-dual philosophy: "I am not like you. I am like you. I am nothing but you." This is a three-part method to understanding why everything seems initially so different and yet is in fact all made up of the same energy.

So for instance, when you look at a picture of yourself when you were 3 years old you think to yourself: "I am not like this child anymore." But then, as you look at the picture more carefully, you can see the similarities and then you say, "I am like this child." And lastly you realize that there is something in that child, an essence which will never change, and then you realize: "I am nothing but this child."

This is a powerful technique to use with people who challenge us as our tendency is to create separation from that which threatens us or unsettles us. It is also a wonderful method to find oneness with everyone, while still honoring differences.

So, there I was looking at a hundred or so pictures of these men and women, standing next to their mug shots. And I found myself whispering to them: "You are not like your old portrait. You are like your old portrait. You are nothing but that young person in the portrait."

Furthermore, the more pictures I saw, I started to notice that all the mug shots had a shared look. Their mug shots looked like each other because they all shared the same intention. They were all fighting for the same cause. Their faces belied a calm strength, dignity, freedom. They looked like deities, like martyrs, like heroes. And yet I also saw who they were as individuals: women, men, Jewish, African American, young, really young (one was 13!), fat, thin, bearded, gorgeous...

Oh, I wanted to be them.

I think most of us do, yearning for a cause big enough which will take us out of our veil of separateness and make us join in as one.

As I left the museum I felt sad, since I sometimes wish I was part of a cause, of a movement. Something that will make me forget my fear and join into the brave current.

As I got into my car by myself, carrying all these men and women in my heart, I thought that I was not like them.

But then I remembered that I was like them.

And I drove off knowing that ultimately I was nothing but them...

Willie Mays

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 06:19:00 GMT

I've been catching up with my Charlie Rose episodes. Just caught him interviewing the legendary baseball player Willie Mays.

I know very little about sports. Learned that Willie Mays is probably the greatest baseball player alive. Apparently, he was good at everything: hitting, throwing, catching...

He seemed very humble during the interview while still having a healthy dose of confidence.

Anyway, there was a part in the conversation that made me rewind my Tivo and rewrite word for word their exchange:

Charlie Rose: "Was it easy for you? Easy?"

Willie Mays: "Everything that I did in baseball was easy. My job when I played baseball was to make the people around me better."

One of the things that I find myself repeatedly saying out loud is: "It's so hard to teach. It's so hard to make a living being a yoga teacher. Life is hard..." Willie Mays' words got me thinking about how often I can make things harder than they really are with my attitude.

And it got me thinking about how often I stress myself before teaching a class. How I put pressure on myself to teach something brilliant, mindblowing, to change the lives of the students. Instead of showing up and being of service.

This exchange reminded me to continue to practice the quality of ease in my life. That my job is to make the student's practice better- to help students practice with ease. To make it easy on myself as I prepare for classes. So years later when people ask me how it was teaching yoga for a living I will say: "It was easy."

John Friend is coming to Los Angeles in a few days. John in LA! What a fiery combination! And on top of that it's the Advanced Intensive, the hardest workshop John teaches all year. I've found myself stressing myself out: 'It's going to be really hard. I'm not in shape. I won't be able to do it..." You see? There it is... My unofficial mantra: "It's all so hard..."

What if I changed my attitude?

What if I just showed up and did my best at that moment? At every pose?

What if when I'm doing my poses I do them fully and when I'm choosing to rest, I rest fully?

What if the Advanced Intensive ended up being easy, and I helped others experience that as well?

Noah Maze

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:26:00 GMT

I just got home from Noah's workshop: Power of Inversions and Meditation. It is part of a series of four workshops given at City Yoga designed to help yogis understand and refine their practice of Sirsasana (headstand), Sarvangasana (Shoulderstand), Halasana (Plow) and their cycles. These are poses that unfortunately are not taught that often in classes (Anusara classes are generally known for their handstands, forearm balances and their backbends) and yet they are such important and delicious poses.

Noah had us start in child's pose which in theory is an Inversion since the head is below the heart. Child's pose was such a brilliant starting point as it also reminds us to soften and retain the quality of ease through the two and a half hour workshop. We then moved into a down dog, followed by a forward bend. And then we went to the wall where we did an L-Pose held for about a minute followed by an Inverted L-Pose.

Then we held supported Uttanasana, Down Dog and Prasarita Padottanasana. My hamstrings felt really tight in these holdings- I'm not the most open yogi by any means, and when you hold a pose for a while you start to notice your weak points. We then moved into Sirsasana cycle and Noah used several yogis to show how to align your spine. It was all so well explained, so clear and lucid. We found a partner and looked at each other's spines and gave each other's notes on how to align- we also watched each other do Headstands. I worked with my friend Nicole and we helped each other find a curve in our necks as we both have some flattening in the cervical spine.

Then we moved all of us to the wall and did a long held Sirsasana with several variations. I think we were up for 8 minutes. At some point near the end I came down. I would like to continue to deepen my practice of Headstand.

We then did a few Supta Padanguthasanas. Divine! Then we moved to Sarvangasana and Plow. Noah had us use the wooden floor for the first Sarvangasana and it made the alignment clearer as you can really feel C7 when you are on the floor. However, he explained, if you are holding Sarvangasana longer than 5 minutes, then you should use props. We used a strap around our upper arms and three blankets and I have to say it was the most delicious Shoulder Stand I've ever done. It felt- I'm serious- like I was asleep.

We then did several Sarvangasana variations followed by Plow.

Lastly we ended with a meditation.

What a gifted teacher Noah is! He is so fiery and dedicated. So intense and yet loving.

I adore and cherish him and he helps me tap into my power.

I will sleep well tonight...

Thank you Noah,

Aparigraha

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:44:00 GMT

We've come to the last yama in my experiment of teaching one yama a week. We are on week 5, on to the last of the ethical guideline: aparigraha. Aparigraha literally means: nonpossession; nongrasping; nondesiring; not greedy. So many "no's!" The yamas can be tricky at first blush since they appear so negative. But the "no's" are simply there as a heathy invitation to establish boundaries in our own life.

It reminds me of something John Friend says which is that in Anusara yoga we say "yes" to life, and then we say "no" as a way of establishing clear boundaries. But the "yes" always comes first. And we do that in our physical practice by our first principle -Open to Grace- opening up to our breath, to out body, to life. Then we move to the second principle -Muscular Energy- engaging; firming the muscles to the bones, as a way of creating stability and protecting the body.

So we can look at aparigraha and the yamas as a way of creating boundaries after saying "yes" to life. In other words: may we recognize that we have so much already, so many blessings. That our lives and our experiences matter. They might only matter to us and our loved ones, but they matter. Our lives might not be famous, our lives might not be written about in a history book, our lives might seem boring and predictable but they matter, and they are ours. We can use aparigraha as a reminder to stay focused on our journey. To not compare it to others, To not want what someone else has, what someone else's life looks like.

How often in a yoga class, we look over to our right or to our left and see her/him, the perfect yogi, doing the perfect pose? And here I am sweating, struggling, in need of a pedicure, and after all these years these hamstrings are still so tight...

Why can't I have her body?

Why can't I have his practice?

Why can't I be as good as a teacher as she?

Why can't I have this, that...

Aparigraha can help us stop that train of thought, breathe, and come back to our selves.

To come back to the experience that we are having in this body at this moment. That's it. That's all.

Theme: Aparigraha

I used the virtue of courage to help us see all that we have and to help us let go of that which is in our way...

Focus: Outer Spiral (the contractive spiral which actually helps protect the back in so many poses; think of it as a "no" that we say through our bodies after saying a "yes.")

Poses: Focused today on Backbends. Had a strong practice with a nice combo of standing poses followed by some abs, some hip openers and a number of backbends. Then winding down with about 6-7 hip openers/forward bends. Yummy.

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Been going through the poster one pose a week and we finally hit the "backbends" on the Level 1 syllabi. This week I'll be focusing on them! Can't wait.

PS. Here is something I read by the artist Keri Smith who has been one of my biggest sources of inspiration for the last few years...

HOW TO FEEL MISERABLE AS AN ARTIST

(OR WHAT NOT TO DO, UNDERLINE ANY THAT CURRENTLY APPLY)

by Keri Smith

1. Constantly compare yourself to other artists.

2. Talk to your family about what you do and expect them to cheer you on.

3. Base the success of your entire career on one project.

4. Stick with what you know.

5. Undervalue your expertise

6. Let money dictate what you do.

7. Bow to societal pressures

8. Only do work that your family would love.

9. Do whatever the client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor asks.

10. Set unachievable/overwhelming goals. To be accomplished by tomorrow.

Isn't that great?

Keri Smith inspired me to come up with my own list...

Which works so nicely with the theme of aparigraha...

HOW TO BE A MISERABLE YOGA TEACHER

By María Cristina Jiménez (inspired by Keri Smith)

1. Compare yourself to other teachers.

2. Count how many students you have all the time and base your success on how big classes were.

3. Wonder out loud why you didn't become a lawyer or a doctor and diminish the work you do.

4. Always teach exactly the same class, exactly the same way.

5. Be angry and sad when students no longer come to your class.

6. Believe that you have nothing to teach about or talk about.

7. See your students as the enemy or as someone you have to win over; instead of being of service to them.

8. Be jealous of other teacher's success and glory.

9. Second guess everything and try to do what everyone is doing (whatever that is) instead of following your heart.

10. Don't have a home practice and/or a meditation practice.

11. Expect to wake up feeling happy all the time, peaceful and full of bliss. And when you wake up in a bad mood, feel like failure.

12. Be afraid to charge what you are worth. And then resent clients when they don't pay you your fee.

13. Apologize all the time.

14. Don't support other teachers and demean other styles of yoga.

15. Wonder what you're doing with your life, when deep down you know this is what you were meant to be doing...

a quote from Albert Einstein

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:07:00 GMT

I've been reading Bruce Bowditch's book The Yoga Practice Guide and in it he has this sublime quote from Albert Einstein:

"A human being is part of the whole called the 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in all its beauty. Nobody is able to do this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."

I find this quote intriguing in the sense that Einstein alludes to Advaita Vedanta's philosophy of life being an illusion; a cosmic prank placed by an indescribable power (maya). But then Einstein veers into a more Tantric position, when he solves the problem by radically affirming life, by encouraging us to embrace ourselves, others and nature.

I disagree with his assessment of how no one ever really is able to do it, though. What about the enlightened masters? Still, what a beautiful quote...

Brahmacharya

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:07:00 GMT

In keeping with my latest experiment of doing classes on the yamas, we are now on week four, on to the fourth ethical guideline: Brahmacharya. The word breaks down into two: Brahma (which refers to Brahman or God) and charya (activity, mode of behavior). So Brahmacharya literally means "to walk or have ethical conduct like God."

Jainism (an ancient Indian philosophy which originated circa 6th B.C.E., emphasizing asceticism and reverence to all living thing) came up with their five great vows (the Mahavratas) and later Patanjali (circa 200C.E.) surely inspired by them, turned them into the yamas, the five ethical guidelines for yogis; which in turn become the first of the eight limbs in his Ashtanga path.

For the Jains, them being monks and all, this fourth vow meant celibacy. For us householders it has come to be interpreted as relating to your partner without manipulation, without abusing your sexuality. My teacher John Friend writes that brahmacharya means: "relating to another with unconditional love and integrity."

The way I've been unpacking this yama in my classes this week is by talking about Siva and Sakti. In Tantra -that radical, elegant and much misunderstood centuries old philosophy which is the framework of Anusara Yoga- life is one energy. Spirit and Matter are one, neither is granted supremacy. The world we inhabit is a manifestation of infinite forms of this Supreme Consciousness.

However since we live in a contracted and limited form of this vast Supreme energy, we experience our lives as dualistic- that is, black/white; male/female; good/bad; spirit/matter. So in order to understand this energy we speak of it as if it were two: Siva and Sakti.

Siva refers to that ultimate reality, the still point at the center, the source. Sakti refers to all that we see; the creative power of the Universe. Siva is depicted as a male and Sakti as a female. And for us our work involves joining the two lovers.

Finding the opposites; finding stability in freedom and freedom in strength.

Finding stillness in the movement and movement in the stillness.

Finding the universal inside the individual and the individual inside the universal.

We transform our lives by experiencing these paradoxes.

What is it that the poet Kabir so lovingly once wrote?

"Everyone knows that the drop is inside the ocean, but not everyone knows that the ocean is inside the drop..."

So in my classes this week I've been giving the students notes that are seemingly opposites but in fact quite complimentary, so that they can move, walk, sit, step, and just be in a place of integrity and yes, love.

Theme: Siva/Sakti

Quality: Love

Focus: Play of opposites; Muscular and Organic Energy

Highlights: As a teacher I find giving paradoxical instructions highly effective and empowering to the students:

"Squeeze your shins in towards each other but at the same time and with the same intensity widen your inner knees and thigh bones apart." They make so much sense to my physical body and also my energetic body.

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Sirsasana and Sholder Stand; the King and Queen of asanas! (But I forgot to do them- so I will do it tomorrow and Thursday)

PS. To fellow teachers out there, I just got two more books for my already full library. These are written by Bruce Bowditch a Certified Anusara yoga teacher who is just lovely. These two books are an Index of all the asanas (so great to have as a resource, with a CD for pronunciation) and a Yoga Sequence guide filled with dynamic classes for all levels. I just did a practice inspired by it this afternoon and I can't wait to try it on my students this week. So yummy. Go check it out. Google: Bruce Bowditch

Yoga Philosophy

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:46:00 GMT

This morning I taught at Still on the theme of love (it is St. Valentine's after all), using Shiva and Shakti as lovers that are trying to reunite. And I gave alignment points that seemed opposing but in fact where complimentary (hug your shins while widening your inner knees and thigh bones apart) (hug your forearms in plank while melting your heart). Yoga can be thought of as the union of opposites and in Anusara yoga -which is a style of Hatha Yoga based on Tantric Philosophy- we're trying to remember our oneness, we're trying to unite Siva and Shati, who are in fact one but we speak of them as if they were two.

If I'm getting too philosophical here is because today after class I went to Black Dog and taught yoga philosophy. We went through the three main schools of philosophical thought (Classical yoga, Advaita Vedanta and Tantra) and also gave them a complete overview of yoga history and yoga tradition. Whew! It was a lot and I did my best. The students really seemed to stay with it and grasp it.

I gave them a time-line so they could put everything in place. I also explained as clearly as I could the Indus Valley Civilization, the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita, Classical Yoga, Advaita Vedanta and Tantra. I tried to give them positive spins to all of them because they all have something good to offer us. We ended with a short meditation and if time permitted, I would have given them different kinds of meditation, all inspired by the three main philosophies. This material is so interesting and juicy, and has so much to offer us.

We all are philosophers in our own way, we all have different worldviews which inform how we react to events. And studying age old traditions can help us become even clearer in what we believe.

I am so grateful to be on this Training and to be of service. So grateful to share these life changing teachings with fellow yogis, just like my teachers have done for me.

A love poem

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 07:28:00 GMT

Been on a blog hiatus as I've been preparing, teaching and preparing even more for the Black Dog Yoga Teacher Training.

Yesterday I taught the Friday night session. We went through viloma pranayama. I also taught about the Chakras and about the Yoga Sutras, oh my. I ended with a Restorative session.

Tomorrow for three hours we'll go through the main schools of yoga philosophy. Been going through my notes and studying for the last four hours non-stop.

I love being a student.

And I absolutely adore all the students at the training. They are so present and eager to learn. What a joy.

Since it's Saint Valentine's Day here is a love poem from Rumi which speaks to my heart.

"The minute I heard my first love story

I started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.

They're in each other all along."

More later...

Asteya

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:55:00 GMT

In keeping with the themes of the yamas -the 5 ethical guidelines for yogis in relationship to others, to Nature and to self- we are now on the third week, and the third yama is "asteya."

Asteya means non-stealing.

That's it.

Sounds simple right?

But there's more to the yamas than meets the eye.

When we start to unpack asteya we begin to notice the way we can for instance, steal people's time, take credit for what someone else said, or even steal someone's experience...

This is totally trivial but one of the problems of watching a movie with me that I've already seen, is that there's a high probability I'll turn to you and say, "watch this part, this is so great, oh my God, this scene is amazing." And I end up ruining the moment for my friend!

Or I'm teaching a yoga pose which I love and I'll say, "doesn't this pose feel good?!" Not knowing how other's are experiencing the pose in that moment!

The way I've been unpacking asteya this week has been looking at it in the sense of stealing from the beauty of every moment.

I'm a planner. I plan, I plan everything, way to much. I plan my week, my day, my yoga classes from the first to the last pose. Although there's something inspiring about being responsible and thinking ahead, I've been noticing that when I'm so tied to my plan, I'm not with the class, thereby forcing them into poses instead of organically letting class unfold in its own way.

So practicing asteya can be experienced as having the courage to be open, having the courage to be wrong, having the courage

to change the focus of a class, or to do something completely unexpected!

How often are we in conversation with someone and we are thinking about what we want to say instead of listening, really listening to the other person? How often are we just waiting for our turn to speak without being there with the person?! How often do we rush through a pause because we are uncomfortable with the silence? I've been re-reading Bill Bryson's Mother Tongue, a non-fiction book about language. He says that studies have shown how whenever we're in conversation and there's a four-second pause, most people start to feel uncomfortable. Four seconds!

So this week, may we not plan so much. May we stay open, available. May we allow things to unfold as they do.

Theme: Asteya

Focus: Root to rise!

Be steady and grounded, allowing the pose to expand into whatever it will...

Highlights: Noticed I was telling people to either do a pose or a modified version of the pose.

Say, do Forearm Balance or do Dolphin prep.

Do partner Drop Backs or partner Standing back bend.

Or do Urdhva or do Bridge.

In giving them two clear options they were still part of class. They all felt good making one choice and they were all learning and staying open to new possibilities.

Challenge: Practicing asteya! Very challenging for me as planner to stay more in the moment, and not steal from the moment by thiking too far ahead! It takes so much faith!

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Sirsasana #1

TT: Second Weekend

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:16:00 GMT

This was the second weekend of Black Dog Teacher Training and I had the students all by myself on Sunday for a few hours.

What a treat it was, what a joy! This is truly a dream come true. We sat in a circle and centered with the Om. I reminded them of how Om is made up of three sounds and four parts. Of how the first sound, the "A" sound symbolizes creation. I asked them to journal briefly about what is new in their lives right now, what is being created. Then when we sang the Om, it had more resonance, more meaning.

We then went over the Yamas, and in particular satya.

Then I asked if they could name the Sanskrit and English names of all the poses in Surya A and Surya B. And they could!

Here's the thing- already in their second weekend they can name all the poses in the Sun Salutes, they can do them and most impressively, they teach them to each other! Incredible.

We then went through anatomy (which I love) and I focused on the major bones in terms of relationships to other bones. I also taught them what to look for in Tadasana and in doing so, they would find that alignment in every other pose.

That is: feet parallel, thighbones back, top of the armbones back, head in line with the spine, etc...

We then played a memory anatomy game to see if they remembered the anatomical names of the bones and they did!

We ended with viloma pranayama.

I had such a blast with them, and at the end of the session they clapped and I almost cried.

I can't wait to see them next week.

Oh, one more thing. I reminded them how important it is to find the good first. Even thought this training is not Anusara, I still think this is a critical note to remember as yoga teachers. To always find the good first in the students. Otherwise you will always be looking at what your students are doing wrong and always be noticing what's negative. They really were grateful for that.

We then did an exercise where I "tested" them- I had a student stand in Tadasana and I asked them to tell me the first thing that they "see." Everyone said misalignments. I kept asking and asking until slowly they realized and started to say what was beautiful about Cindy, the lovely yogi who was doing the pose. And once they started saying what was beautiful, they couldn't stop!

I reminded them to look for the good first.

I then read a powerful quote from Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Non Violence Communication:

"Telling someone what was wrong with them

never got me what I wanted from them."

Such good stuff....

Good night!

Satya

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 02:01:00 GMT

Satya.

What a beautiful sound that word makes.

You can't force it or scream it; it just softly unfolds out of you.

Satya...

The second of the Yamas. It means truthfulness, integrity, honesty. One of the ways John Friend describes it in his Manual is: "...not concealing the truth, not donwplaying or exaggerating." To tell the truth.

I looked up the word "integrity" and it means "wholeness." Like the word "integer from Math class! Whole numbers.

I guess an interpretation can be that whenever we lie, we are concealing a part of ourselves; we're not allowing ourselves to be all that we are.

Satya comes from the Sanskrit verb root "as" which means "to be." And "sat" means "existence, reality, being." As in the second line of our chant: "saccidananda murtaye:"

Who assumes the form (murtaye) of reality (sat), consciousness (chit) and bliss (ananda).

The implication is that Truth is the bedrock of the Universe.

I've been teaching this week inspired by this yama and have asked the students to be really honest with their practices. How do I feel today? Am I pushing? Do I need to take child's pose?

Or am I feeling super strong? Do I want to make the poses harder? Can I do that without feeling that I am showing off?

Or- do I have a question but I don't ask because I am afraid of coming across as stupid?

The other day a student came up to me and confessed that she never understood the concept of "shins in." I explained it to her and she immediately got it- she thought it meant that the muscles hug towards the shin (which they do by the way, and I told her that as well!).

Another time a teacher told me she never understood the outer spiral in the arms and was freaking out because she felt she should know that by now and she was again embarrassed.

For me these stories are a reminder to always be clear in a way that is not patronizing. To not assume that everyone knows what you are talking about; to avoid jargon as much as it is possible and to always look, look, look carefully to see if students are doing the alignment.

One time, one of my students was doing too much Outer Spiral. I would look at her and could tell she was overly clenching her butt muscles and I would ask her not to. But she kept doing it. And I would tell her again. And so it went. One day I asked her where her tail bone was (because I had a feeling she didn't know) and she pointed toward her sacrum! Aha! Bingo. If someone thinks their coccyx is where the sacrum is, then when they scoop their tailbone, they would inevitably do too much Outer Spiral. She was a little sad that all this time no one had told her that. But then she stated to shift and her practice became stronger.

Isn't truth like that? It makes us at first sad, sometimes downright miserable. But then it was this way of empowering you, of setting you free.

I hope to ask questions when I need to.

To take child's pose whenever I feel I need it. To not wait for permission.

To live my life authentically.

And to remember the biggest truth of all, that we are part of something greater. That we ARE that. Tat vam asi.

That we are divine, never separate.

That we are a vast spaciousness bigger than the ups and downs of our day to day life, to paraphrase the great Sally Kempton.

Theme: Satya

Focus: Shoulder Loop

Open your Heart! Live your life following your heart!

Highlights: Encouraged the students through class to ask questions, to rest when they needed to, to make the poses harder if they wanted to.... After class three people came with questions regarding pain. Interesting.

I feel that as a teacher I have to create a safe place every single time so that everyone can feel welcome.

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Bharadvajasana I and II.

Ahimsa

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:52:00 GMT

In the Black Dog Yoga Teacher Training which just started last weekend, we introduced Patanjali, his book The Yoga Sutras, and the ashtanga path as delineated by him. Ashta means eight and anga means limb, and these eight limbs are a way to have the experience of samadhi, or complete absorption in spirit.

The first of these eight limbs are the yamas. The yamas (which literally mean "restraints") are the ethical guidelines yogis follow pertaining to relationships: with self, others and Nature. The first yama is ahimsa which literally means non-harming. When we practice ahimsa we are making a conscious decision to be kind and loving with self and others.

The last few classes I've taught have been inspired by this great virtue. How do we practice ahimsa? Well in terms of our physical practice, we practice taking care of our alignment so that at no moment we feel pain in our bodies. We practice also aligning to a greater force or current of nature, and when we align to this bigger flow, our bodies physically start to become both more stronger and radiant. We try to not obstruct this flow, instead help it along so that the energy can move with ease. We need to become aware of our patterns, of the way we hold ourselves, of the way we lean to one side, we lock one knee, we drop our heads. We become aware of the ways we are moving out of alignment with nature, and with gentleness we re-align.

We practice ahimsa with our minds also. How often we go to a class and we have injurious thoughts? Like for instance: "I'm so weak...I'm not good at this... I'm not as good as her...as him... What is wrong with me? etc, etc." Our thoughts are so powerful. We repeat them over and over creating powerful samskaras that are so challenging to overcome.

We practice ahimsa spiritually by remembering that we are not alone. That we are not separate from source. We welcome whatever we bring to class, whether we are having a bad day, whether we have an injury, whether we are struggling with loss. We welcome whatever mood we are in, we welcome our body, how it is today, and we still try to do our best on a given day.

Theme: Ahimsa

Focus: Shins in, Thighs out

Highlights:

"Be loving with yourself."

"Rest when you need to. Take child's pose when you need to."

*At one moment students where jumping up into handstand and several chose to do child's pose. I notice my tendency to commend only those who were doing the "harder" pose. And I stopped and lauded those who were doing balasana. I have noticed that teachers tend to praise almost always the students who do the harder poses. I need to include those who are taking it easy as well...

Anusara Poster Project Pose:

the marichyasana twists on the Level 1 syllabi; there's four of them.

Teacher Training

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:00:00 GMT

Yesterday was the first night of Black Dog Yoga's Teacher Training. I'm so honored to have been asked by Peter Barnett to be one of the four teachers leading it (Sigrid Matthews and Shari Goodhartz are the other two). It's not a one specific style of Hatha Yoga teacher training. And I am so excited to be with teachers who teach different styles, all of us working together creating harmony in the community.

The first night was a night of introductions, where we are in a circle and say our names and share something that brought us to yoga. It never ceases to amaze me how my heart skips a beat or two whenever I'm in a circle and have to speak. The malas get triggered, especially anava mala (that feeling of I'm not good enough...) and at times I feel myself comparing my stories with others, or not feeling as accomplished or bright as the person next to me. It's an interesting phenomenon to observe... To observe with loving-kindness, especially.

Several commented on how nervous they were and when my time came, I tried as graceful as I could to step into the seat of the teacher, embodying a more sattvic place. I spoke how hard it is for many of us to speak in front of others and I reminded myself and them to breathe, to share from their hearts. I also pointed out how beautiful the moon and asked if other's noticed is: everyone did. I pointed out how whenever we are in our mind chatter, in our monkey mind, filled with worry, we miss out on the outside world. And when something awe-some like the moon creeps up on us we pause, we look at it, the chatter stops, we become -in some way- one with the object that's being observed, and for a moment, everything is calm.

We then introduced Patanjali and his Ashtanga path. Shari did a great and swift job of that. I spoke about the yamas. Then the lovely and so funny Peter moved to Krishamacharya and his lineage. We ended with a few restorative poses beautifully taught by Sigrid.

I feel like these 12 or so students are reminding me of my own journey back in 2001 when I did my first ever TT.

I'm sweetly jealous of them.

They are in for an incredibly transformative ride.

Howard Zinn

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 16:43:00 GMT

One of my heroes died two days ago, the great historian Howard Zinn. He wrote the seminal book "A People's History of the United States" where he took the radical position of re-telling history from the point of view of the oppressed. So right off the bat, on the very first page of this rich tome, you see the "discovery" of the New World told from a very different point of view.

Being someone who was born and raised in Puerto Rico, I recall being told that Cristobal Colón was a brave, kind, and courageous man who discovered our island. I recalled seeing an illustration in one of my old history books of Natives welcoming Colón and his men, whilst everyone seems happy and placid. There's just this little glitch- there are no Natives anymore (Tainos was the actual name of the Arawak indians from PR) because they were massacred. So when you open Zinn's book entitled: "A People's History of the United States: 1492 to the present" the very first page quotes a passage from Colon's diary in which he writes about planning to kidnap 50 Arawak men, women and children.

They kind of forgot to tell us that.

And forgot to tell us about the suffragettes, and the slaves and the poor...

And so it goes...

When I read Zinn's book more than 10 years ago I remembered feeling shocked, sad, enraged. How come I didn't know this? I wondered. And as often happens when you are faced with a truth you didn't know, at first it makes you miserable and then slowly gratitude rears its head for learning what you just learned; gratitude for how your life now has expanded with this new knowledge.

Howard Zinn's own personal history was rich and inspiring; he was a World War II bombadier who later became an anti-war protester. He was a white male who taught at an all Black, female college, Spelman. Alice Walker who studied with him famously referred to him as the best teacher she ever had. He was an activist and a much sought after lecturer; in fact he died while traveling, continuing to inspire people to learn their history, to empower themselves with knowledge; to transform their lives by opening up their minds and their hearts.

In a similar way yoga for me has been like reading Zinn's books. Yoga at first unsettles you- for instance, I never new how tight I was until I started practicing yoga; I didn't know how busy my mind was until I started to meditate; I didn't know how much rage and sadness I had until I went inside. And as it often happens, if you stick with something long enough, with a quality of humility and devotion the boons start to arrive; the tightness opened. The rage held a deep well of grief which through time continues to lessen. A community of friends now fills my life. I walk around with a true knowledge that no matter how dark things might get, I will be all right.

In a way yoga teaches us our true history- who we really are. Our deepest nature, sat chit ananda; being conscious bliss.

And we are never the same again.

And we want others to be empowered with this knowledge as well.

And we become yoga teachers and travel, lecture, teach because we want others to learn their true history, of who they really are.

Today is the first day of Black Dog Yoga's Teacher Training. I am so honored to have been asked to be of the teachers leading it.

I cannot wait to take the seat of the teacher, and as clearly as possible, with humility, share the history of yoga.

Thank you Howard Zinn!

Namaste.

Being and becoming

Moving Through My Vinyasa — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 05:20:00 GMT

I've been riffing about how we carry a persona with us, a collage made up of our personality, our traits, how we look and behave, and probably some unconscious stuff. But sometimes something happens, maybe a trauma, some kind of a loss, where we can no longer be who we always were. A new normal has been created, the paradigm shifted, and the persona no longer fits with our new reality.

I've been going through some sad personal stuff lately and have not felt any desire to partake in the song-and-dance of my personality, which is overwhelmingly a very bubbly, sunny one. Lately I've had little to no energy to smile and rush over to people, saying hi to them before they say hi to me (my tendency). Lately I've been sulking in corners, practicing yoga at the back of the room when I go take class. The question which has been arising for me is: "If I am not bubbly, sunny, smiling Maria, then who am I? "If I am not good and kind and smiling all the time and taking care of other's needs, then who am I?" Maharshi famously would say to this students to constantly ask themselves: "who am I?" "Who am I?" Might be the most important question we ask ourselves.

I spoke about this with a dear friend. She has a very distinctive look: tons of tattoos, tons of jewlery, purple hair. She shared that sometimes she wonders if she didn't look like that, who would she be? If she wasn't funny all the time, who would she be? We both expressed deep fears of not being liked for showing another new side. Of not being loved by others. I think as yoga teachers some of us find ourselves in a challenging place of being in the seat of the teacher and feeling pressure (both external and internal) to always seem like we are in a great place, to smile in a sattvic way, to appear to have it all together.

Life, just like yoga practice, will re-organize us, will re-arrange us and utterly transform us. When we go through something challenging, we can literally feel ourselves changing. It's scary. But then we look at the philosophy and discover that the practice is there for us in times of need. Tantra says that we are both spirit and matter; that we are both that which is always changing (moods, personalities, thoughts) and that which is unchanging. The trick is to remember to identify with that which is unchanging; and in doing so it will anchor us through the turbulence that can and will arise at times. Plus it will also take the charge off the attachment we have to our stuff, to our stories, to our personalities and be able to release what needs to be released.

Lastly, may we enjoy the journey, the ride. All of it. May we enjoy those dark nights of the soul, knowing that they are not really who we are. May we cry when we need to; stay in bed when we feel like it; watch bad reality TV if we want to ("For the Love of Ray J, season 2 rules!); order delivery; kiss our cats for a very long time without feeling like we are going to be the crazy single lady with cats.

May we enjoy the crazy adventure we are on: both the part of us that is eternally changing and that part of us that is eternal.

Theme: Celebration

Focus: Muscular Energy

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Krounchasana