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Detoxing at We Care
I am spending the last three days of 2011 detoxing at "We Care," a holistic health spa in Desert Hot Springs. A few months ago my cousin Wally -who is a fan of my blog and a lifelong meditator- wrote me an email asking about fasting. I told him that I really didn't have any experience with it. Afterwards it occurred to me that maybe it was time to do it. I was a bit reticent in part because I know so many women who have such a strange relationship to food. I have several friends who have admitted to me that they have eating disorders and others, whom I suspect have. I always prided myself in the fact that I eat anything that I want and that I have never ever dieted in my life. And yet I find myself now at 39 with a little bit of extra weight and noticing that my body is changing. I am incredible knowledgeable in yoga, in meditation and philosophy. But when it comes to food, well, let's just say there is room for improvement, or at least room for more learning.
I come from a culture and family that loves food- maybe too much- and associates love with it: "Eat this, we made it for you... Eat this, I made this with love... Eat this, your father is paying for it." Truly though, I have been blessed to have lived all my life with plenty of delicious food. What a gift that is! And yet as we all now, nowadays so much of our food and water source is filled with toxins. For instance, I just learned today that a baby is born with 197 chemicals already in its body. Plus we are so distracted with the media and our busy lives. Many of us eat past the point of fullness just because we eat in front of the TV and are not in touch with our bodies.
So: I am taking these last three days of the year to reboot my computer, if you will. To be in a solitary yet beautiful space in the desert. With professionals who know about juice fasting and colon therapy and to take classes to learn about eating right. I arrived in the morning to this beautiful location and had an introductory session. Then I had my first session (a facial), followed by a castor oil wrap treatment, which helps relieve inflammation in the joints. Then I sat in on a welcoming circle where we set our intentions. And lastly I took a class on 7 healthy steps to a healthy life including: avoiding toxins, fasting for one day a week, and following rules of healthy digestion. It's all very interesting. I've taken many notes. Funny enough, the classes were all taught by a lovely woman named Bridgette who is an Anusara Inspired teacher. When we found out about each other we hugged and laughed!
That said, a few hours after arrival, I started to fantasize about food. I had especially vivid images of Ceasar Salad with shrimp. They do have us drinking juices, teas, and other concoctions, every hour. I feel a little hungry but my stomach is full. A lot of it I am sure it's mental. My skin looks amazing and I am quite calm. I did a little yoga practice today and am looking forward to class tomorrow. Let's see what the next day brings!
What a blessing to be able to do something so different for the end of the year. To give my digestive system a break and come back with greater knowledge about what we eat and digest.
Have a wonderful rest of the year everyone.
May you all enjoy your meals!
Chew it, savor it, give thanks to it!
Buen Provecho!
Embracing our challenges
Recently I let go of some classes at a yoga studio because I don't enjoy teaching at night. It took me a long time to make that decision, in part because of the amazing group of students there, whom I've become attached to. There was one student though that used to come every week, who was a bit challenging. He would sit in the back, never crack a smile. He would refuse to do partner poses, and when he did them, he did so begrudgingly. He would often would appear to not be having a good time. One time I praised him after doing a pose and he scolded me for using his full name. I would often drive home and take him with me in my thoughts and wonder why he was in my classes. At one moment I even thought of asking him to not come to my classes because I thought I wasn't helping or reaching him. But also because -to be honest- I was a bit uncomfortable because I want my students to be all nice! So, a few days ago, after I left those classes, I got an email from him. I took a deep breath and read it. And lo and behold the email said that he would miss me. That I had been a positive influence on him on and off the mat. That he wished me well. I finished reading and was blown away by him and his kindness. I thought of how we just don't know how we are reaching people- all we can do is show up to class and offer our best.
I also thought how quick I am to want to push away people who challenge me. This whole incident reminded me of a story I read in Jack Kornfield's book "Bringing Home the Dharma." In it he tells the tale of the famous spiritual teacher Gurdjieff who was once leading a retreat. There was a man from Russia that was very challenging to the group. He was loud, obnoxious, argumentative and smelly. After a few months the man left and moved to Paris and the whole group was relieved and grateful. Gurdjieff however was not and he flew to Paris to find the man. He convinced the man to come back and even offered to pay him a generous stipend. When the man returned to the retreat center, the group was upset and offended. They were paying good money to study with Gurdjieff and here was this challenging man being paid to be there! Gurdjieff told them that he was paying him because the man was "like yeast to bread." He was teaching everyone about compassion, patience, and unconditional love. Gurdjieff even referred to him as his "assistant."
So!
May we embrace those who have challenged us this year.
May we look back on 2011 and be grateful for all those challenges faced.
May we embrace those parts of us that we don't like and we wish weren't there.
Xmas with the folks
My folks flew all the way over from San Juan to Los Angeles, to be with my brother and I for the holidays. It has been so much fun to see them and spend time with them. Christmas 2011 has been surrounded by family and friends and lots of food! Yesterday I went with close friends to see Sherlock Holmes, and afterwards we stopped by Greenblat's for dinner. We were all talking about how from Thanksgiving to New Years it is very hard to eat well! We tend to overeat and indulge. And my parents, especially my father, are foodies. So in the last few days we have been eating so much. This is one of the several reasons why I am going to a juicing spa for New Years: to fast and cleanse. This will be my first time ever fasting! My goodness... I wonder how that will go? But for now, I am off to dinner with the family. I can't wait to see my parents again. I am so blessed to have them alive and here with me.
Nativity scene
A few years ago my mother visited me here in LA. Each time she comes she brings gifts. On this particular visit she told me that she had some nativity statues for me. I had left the Catholic religion more than 20 years ago so I was not super excited to get these statues. Then she added that she had brought not one but 14 nativity statues for me! I freaked out. I live in a studio apartment and had this terrifying image of being surrounded by Jesus, Virgin Mary and Joseph. She then told me they used to belong to my beloved Titi Sarita, who passed away, and who I was very close to. So I took the 14 nativity statues and placed them all around my house.
One day I was brushing my teeth and my eyes glanced at one of the statues that I had placed inside my bathroom cabinet. And then I had a powerful insight. I saw the statue just for what it was, not superimposing meaning to it. I saw a baby, a newborn, surrounded by adults who were clearly in awe of it and adoring it. And suddenly, there is was: the real meaning of the nativity scene! Nothing about a virgin birth, nothing about a savior, nothing about a religion. Just a statue symbolizing life regenerating itself in the form of a newborn and people circling around it and celebrating it.
I love those moments when you see things for what they are and not superimpose politics and meaning. Kind of like when you catch a sneak-peek of yourself at a store's mirror and not recognize yourself (and then you realize that you are not bad looking at all). Now when I look at nativity scenes, I don't have knee-jerk reactions towards Catholicism. I no longer feel my old issues rush forth to greet the present. But rather I am able to look at them with less-judgmental eyes.
Inspired by this I taught class today at Still. I also taught poses that had a "baby" to them in honor of "baby Jesus." We did Baby Kapinjalasana, Baby Cradle (standing and supine), Happy Baby... We did Wild Child which is pose that my friend and student Sonia came up with. It was so much fun.
May we remember that the light is always there, even in days when we are sad or dark. May our practice allow us to remember our light and extend it out. May we honor our life and how the universal energy lives in us. Happy Holidays everyone!
a great little quote for today
"I arise in the morning, torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it."
E. B. White
a great little quote for today
"I arise in the morning, torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it."
E. B. White
Winter Solstice
Winter Solstice is here! Today we celebrate in the Northern Hemisphere the shortest day and the longest night of the year. According to my research this is the one astronomical event with the most rituals and ceremonies, dating back 30,000 years. This is a time where many of us are drawn inwards to see where we are and where we want to go. I have been looking at my life -with humility and courage- trying to see what needs to change and where do I want to head next. I chose to let go of my two Black Dog evening classes, which was a really hard decision to make. I had been feeling for the last few years that I am not the best teacher in the evenings. My energy tends to drop and I really am at my best during the day. It also takes me at least 40 minutes to get to class with rush-hour traffic. And still, knowing all of that, I was afraid of letting go of the classes because my fear set in: Will I have enough money to get by? Will I still be a popular teacher? Will my students be angry at me?
So often we make decisions out of fear or even worse, we don't make decisions out of fear! Yoga teaches and invites us to identify with the part of us that is ever-expansive, ever-evolving, ever-becoming (Sakti) and remember that that is our true essence. Once we connect to that essence, we are able to courageously make decisions that will enhance our lives and inevitably enhance life itself! I let go of the classes in the evening and my friend Joy will take over then and I am sure that she will be so great. I also want to make room next year for the Teacher Training I am doing with Keric, the Black Dog Teacher Training, as well as the Immersion that Hagar and I are doing. Whew! I also want to continue with my writing classes (of course!) and start taking some courses on Craneosacral Therapy, which is something I have been dreaming about for years.
I read a story recently that inspired me. It was about a sailor who had a parrot that he loved. The sailor gave up his pipe smoking when he noticed his beloved parrot developed a hacking cough. Worried, he took the parrot to the vet to make sure that the parrot was okay. The vet gave the parrot a through check and reported that indeed the parrot was fine. "But why was the parrot coughing," the sailor asked? "Because it was imitating you," the doctor said.
This story touched me because so often we imitate the fears and bad habits of society and those around us. I grew up with a lot of fear, being told repeatedly to not "rock the boat," to not "ask questions," to "stay quiet." Slowly you being to internalize all these fears and identify solely with the parts of you that are limited and afraid. Like the parrot we metaphorically cough without being sick! The good news is that through all these years of practicing yoga we are invited to identify with our true ancestry which is freedom itself; we are invited to identify with the part of us that ever becoming! We literally come to class thinking we cannot do something, only to align physically, mentally and spiritually and then do it!
May we connect with that part of us that is vast and courageous and make choices that will enhance our life. Happy Winter Solstice everyone!
Loving Kindness
As we head towards the Winter Solstice here in this part of the world, I'm looking forward for the light to return. I have been in this interesting funk these last few weeks, surely a cause of the short days, windy and chilly temperatures and the holidays. One of the gifts of practicing so much yoga is that I have learned throughout these years of sadhana to be loving to myself as I experience ups and downs. To not be aggressive with myself or impatient when I start to feel lesser than stellar. It is only because we have felt darkness that we can really treasure and revel in the light! So I have been teaching in the last few days on practicing loving-kindness with self and others.
I was inspired to this by reading Jack Kornfield's beautiful book "Bringing Home the Dharma." In it he recounts a marvelous tale of practicing love. It involves Dian Fossey's mentor George Schaller. Dian Fossey -whom the movie "Gorillas in the Mist" was inspired by, was a field biologist who befriended a tribe of gorillas. Her mentor was a primate biologist, George Schaller. Schaller was able to get the most intimate information ever on gorilla life. When asked by his fellow scientists how he was able to get such compelling information from the habits of gorillas- information no other primate biologist had before- he attributed it to one thing and one thing only: when he went to the jungles to study gorillas he didn't carry a gun.
Before, other biologists had assumed that gorillas were dangerous so they armed themselves and walked in with aggression. The gorillas surely must have sensed this and withheld themselves from the men with guns. Schaller as well as Fossey entered with sensitivity, respect and gentleness. With time these animals felt safe and slowly revealed themselves to them.
I love this story. It reminds to not "walk in with guns" in my relationships with family, friends and self. To be myself and allow my tenderness to be there through challenges. To watch with metta (lovingkindness) the ups and downs of my days and not demean or judge myself. And to slowly allow myself to remember once more how much I have, how much we all have to be grateful for!
Shyness
I went to a dinner party last night. Although the host and company were lovely, I found myself feeling quite shy during the evening. I knew almost everyone, but wasn't close to anyone in particular. Don't get me wrong, it was so nice to see my friend Abel, to see Marcia, and to meet new people. But it was challenging. For some reason I always dread the sitting-down dinners and going to a place where I am not close to anyone. Whenever I go to an unfamiliar environment, all my triggers get lit up and my old patterns come against my new me. I usually find one or two people that I can talk to and hold on to them for balance, like a block under the hand in Ardha Chandrasana. Afterwards when I got home, I took an online quiz on "Social Anxiety Disorder" and scored 100%. 100%! It's such an interesting thing because as a former actress I can "put on" an act; I know how to be funny and cute. I can do the song and dance. But lately I am finding that that is not who I want to be anymore.
A few nights ago I was at another dinner party where I only knew one person. Suddenly in the middle of dinner someone said, "Let's interview Maria and have her tell us all about herself!" All the heads at the table turned to look at me, there was silence, and I literally felt the elevator of my stomach drop to the first floor. I felt my old tendency of playing cute wanting to come out. I was about to start rattling off my list of accomplishments, my resume, my curriculum vitae; taking off my hat and preparing my song and dance routine. But then I took a deep breath and just said, "Sure, what do you want to know?" And took it from there. I think you can learn more about a person by how they behave moment-to-moment rather than by them rattling off facts about their life.
I think what I am trying to say is that I am realizing how shy I am. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's come as a great surprise. I think for most of my life I lived taking care of others emotionally and trying to make them happy- kind of like an unpaid entertainer. And now that I don't have to do that anymore, I find that I want to be left alone with a book, a movie and a few friends! The Unabomber c'est moi!
I also think it interesting that my soul chose teaching yoga as my profession. I have to stand in front of a group of people and talk! After all these years my biggest challenge is that I literally get butterflies in my stomach every single time I teach. Every single time- no exceptions. Yoga has done so much for me though. It has encouraged me to find and nurture my voice and has given me a platform to be of service to others and get out of my head. Without it I would be in my apartment reading books and taking on-line quizzes. I also think Los Angeles is the land of the charismatic mermaids and unicorns so those of us that are a little bit more quiet can feel that we can get lost in the shuffle. And if we are not seen, we don't exist?
There's a number of more holiday parties coming up. Maybe instead of me judging myself, I can honor my quietness and sensitivity. And honor those who are loud and funny (thank God for them!) And just be myself.
Naime in town
For all the old timer yogis in LA as well as new, Naime Jezzeny is coming to town. He will be teaching a two-day Therapeutic workshop at Center for Yoga in Larchmont. It will be Saturday and Sunday from 2-5PM, plus a two hour class on Saturday from 6 to 8 PM.
The address is 230 North Larchmont in Los Angeles. I will be there tomorrow! Naime was such an inspiration to so many of us yoga teachers here in LA. It will be so great to see him.
Also, my yoga brother Marc -whom I met back in 2003- is teaching Anusara in Paris. He just got written about in the New York Times, of all places. What an honor! Below is the link to the article. It is so wonderful that he is getting this kind of recognition. No one deserves it more. He is a doll, incredibly gifted and kind.
Have a great Friday, everyone!
