In the midst of the myriad emotions there is a slight excitement in my blood? 

It seems as if its Kali-Time; the goddess of destruction who comes to dissolve what needs to be dissolved and clear the way for the new. This is the time when things are getting stirred up and we are called to dig deep into all that we have learned, stepping forward into the next unknown. 

I have no idea what is to come but I am witnessing my community of Anusara yogis stand tall and embody the teachings, in particular The First Principle: pausing, waiting before reacting, listening to the facts, opening to the good that will come eventually out of all of this.

It seems to me as if we who care about Anusara yoga, about John, and the kula, are all doing at the same time the most challenging pose. We are moving slowly, step by step, principle by principle, breath, skin, fascia, muscle, bone, fear, doubt, silence, conversation, wait, try again, listen. Some are exiting the room, some are already onto another pose, but most of us are trying to be in the moment, as the moment becomes revealed to us. And yes even as John is investigated for what he is allegedly accused of, he taught us well. He-as well as the many other gifted teachers we have had- have taught us well. 

We know what to do. 

We have been trained well.

I take this moment to thank the teachings of yoga and to thank all of my teachers -including John, who is my main asana teacher and who I hold in the highest esteem without putting him on a pedestal.

Off to move into my day, which includes teaching my beloved Anusara yoga.

Mirabai, India

I was being used as a demo for different kinds of palpation on the head. Everyone was gathered around me as the teacher -the phenomenal Gary Strauss- was holding my head. He was talking about how some people like to have their head lifted a bit, while others don't. He said that generally people with a flat-neck do not like their head lifted. He gently lifted my head a bit and asked how it felt. I heard myself say, "No." Which completely surprised me since I am such a people-pleaser. He immediately brought my head back down and gently cradled it. As soon as he did that I felt my body become calm and felt a release of energy traveling down my spine, all the way towards my sacrum. As he continued to hold my head with the lightest touch, I felt my body shaking, as if my nervous system was releasing stress. Gary -who doesn't know me- spoke about my process. He felt my body had been through trauma and that my nervous system was processing it. I felt myself crying softly and continuing to go into a deep place inside of listening; kind of like it feels when I meditate. A way to describe it is as if you are on a journey. It's not sleep- it's like you are traveling inside. I felt so calm and yet like healing was happening. Afterwards as I walked around for the rest of the day feling so grounded and alive. 

And on a more down to earth level, it got me thinking how we come to yoga class -us mortals-and we end up doing poses that we didn't think we could do! This happens all the time. I get to witness and be a participant in this phenomena every day! Just last week I did a pose (Ganda Bherundasana) that I literally wrote off as a pose "that will never happen for me; ever." That pose was in my "To never do" list. You know how often we do that? How often we decide that we cannot do something and we simply stop trying? Just on Tuesday a student came in telling me that she was "really weak" and that she cannot do cobra. By the end of class- you guessed it- she did several beautiful cobras, forearm balance (and balanced for a second) and a few urdhvas. It wasn't me. It was her connecting and aligning to her power, which was there all along. Or today in class a student shared that she thought she would never get married, ever, and then at a later age met the love of her life and now is happily married.

Yoga -as my teachers say- is "an invitation and not an obligation." Yoga invites us to embrace all that we think we are, and more. When we join the threads of our mind body, emotional body, physical body and spirit together, and connect to source, we end up expanding our limited perception of who we thought we were. Maybe as we begin our new year of 2012 we can practice opening up to more. 2012 is a interesting year. It is a year marked by Mayan calendar doomsday predictions of the world ending. Maybe on a metaphorical sense we can end the way we perceive ourselves and choose to see ourselves from a broader window.

This weekend I will be taking a three-day course on Craniosacral therapy. Will I become a Craniosacral Therapist? Who knows?! I am simply trying to follow my heart, stay sensitive to its signals and stay open to all that I am becoming. 

May we stay open to possibilities.

May we not decide for ourselves how our day is going to go, how our practice is going to go, our year, our life is going to go. Whatever we are planning for ourselves is simply to small for all that life has waiting for us!

Theme: Open to possibilities.

Qualities: Honor and Open (ie, "Honor yourself, where you are at this moment, but stay open to possibilities.")

Focus: Inner Spiral

Pose: Hanumanasana

Cat/Cow

Down Dog/ Plank vinyasa

Lunge and twist

Uttanasana: with Shins in, thighs out

Half Sun Salutes,

Surya A

Uttanasana: with Inner Spiral adjustment

Surya B with crescent

Uttanasana: with Hamstring widening adjustment

Standing Splits

Handstands

Parsvakonasana

Trikonasana

Half Moon, Chapasana, Revolved Half Moon

Ardha Matsyendrasana

Eka Pada Koundyniasana #1

Baddha Konasana

Eka Pada Virasana

Hanumanasana

Eka Pada Koundyniasana #1

to Ganda Bherundasana

If time: twists using wall: Ardha Matsyendrasana and Krounchyasana twist

Hanumanasana again

Agni Stambasana

Upavista Konasana

Savasana

Yesterday, for instance, was quite full. I taught two classes. Both went really well and yet they weren't as full as usual. But I gave them my all and my best. Between classes, I had a mani/pedi, then went on a walk around the reservoir, which was so nice. After my second class, I met my friend and fellow teacher Allison for lunch. We talked about the challenges and gifts we were facing in our lives, without really complaining about our lives. Then I did some yoga, read, and later met my boyfriend for dinner and a movie. If yesterday was my entire life, then it was a good life! 

That said, I would like to continue to work on the excess worrying. I think that our profession of teaching yoga is fraught with the challenges of truly not knowing how a class is going to go, who is coming to class each time, and not getting caught up in numbers. I know it is such a competitive world and market. One of the challenges lies in staying true to yourself and recognizing that you are perfect as you are, and not trying to be like another teacher! Recognizing that the universe is good and that the way things are happening are exactly as they are supposed to!

May I trust in the goodness of the universe.

May I trust that how my day goes is exactly as it is meant to- and still work really hard, do my best and give the highest of myself to whoever is there.

May I spend today living with gratitude, as if today was my entire life.

We have so much to be thankful for!

Sequence:

Balasana, Down Dog, Uttananasana

Half Sun Salutes

Sun Salutes with Locusts (to start to get the arms in the back plane, prep for Shoulder Stand)

Very slow, methodical instructions teaching how to find Muscular Energy in the poses.

Pinca Mayurasana (twice, with different spots helping us feel our strength)

Prasarita Padottanasana

Parsvakonasana

Virabhadrasana 2, Trikonasana

Standing with Gomukhasana arms, then bowing down

Purvottanasana to Agnistambasana

Parsvottanasana to Parivrrta Trikonasana

Bridge with strap over feet so that we can pull in and draw into our strength, and thus open the heart more.

Shoulder Stand with a friend spotting our legs, helping the shoulder blades set more firmly on the backs.

Marichyasana 1

Ardha Eka Pada Gomuha Pascimottanasana

Pascimottanasana

Savasana

The practice went well! Then we deconstructed the class and we talked about how I created it and heard what they thought what the theme was, the qualities were, etc. Then we did a journaling exercise about how their yoga practice had helped them through a challenge. This is by far the most powerful part of class, and they shared it with a partner. Some shared with the whole class! As they were sharing they could feel how the sharing might one day be an opening for a class, for sure. It was so moving to hear how our yoga practice sustains us and helps us through the challenges we face.

Then we had a break. Came back and did some teaching using Muscular Energy. Everyone taught one on one and two people (Jackie and Grace) taught the whole group and did FANTASTIC. Then we moved to another exercise of writing different benefits we get from Muscular Energy... A little more teaching...

Then we got to my favorite part which is anatomy and therapeutics. We talked about the Shoulder and explored the anatomy of it. We also looked at each other without alignment and I gave the students key things to look for in a student's shoulders. Then we verbally aligned each other. Lastly we talked about the 3 different kinds of meditation and ended with a 15 minute focused meditation using a mantra. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I cannot wait to be back again.

After seeing the documentary I learned that Pina was famous for collaborating intensely with her dancers. The troupe created very powerful pieces, replete with eloquent gestures. In one piece, I was so moved by what the arms of a male dancer were saying about love. I literally could feel his joy and his heart opening! In another piece, I found it breathtaking the way a couple repeatedly would embrace, even though another dancer was tearing them apart. It got me musing about the power of attraction and relationships. And all of this was silent- yes there were a few words, but the power was in the gestures. These dancer were so filled with intention that it was as if they were singing soliloquies. I was reminded of one of the most beautiful quotes I've ever heard my teacher John Friend say, "Every limb is a conduit of your energy." So what are you saying with your poses?

The Sanskrit word mudra means "gesture" or "seal." We make mudras often in class (prayer pose is probably the most famous mudra). But if you think about it, every pose is a mudra. Every moment has us in a gesture. The asanas themselves are empty, like a cup, and we fill them up with the fluid of our intention. I hope tomorrow at the Training and next week in my class I get to inspire my students to move from the inside out. Like Pina, collaborate with them so that instead of class being a monologue, it becomes a conversation we are all having with this one playful energy that is dancing us every moment of our lives.

After the demo with John I went home and realized that I needed to practice this pose. So this week we have been doing it in my Practice classes at Still. This morning my 9AM class was- and I mean it- amazing. Truly amazing. My theme was "Kula." Sanskrit for "Community of the heart." People coming together not because they should, but because they want to. I have been thinking of how many wonderful friends I have in this community. Two of my dearest friends, Jenny and Michelle, had a birthday yesterday. Monica had one last week. Marc is having one soon. Tara J is in town and I adore her. I just went to Encinitas with Mackie. I am doing a TT with Keric and soon an Immersion with my beloved Hagar and Tara. All in all, I was thinking about how blessed we are to be part of this community with so many amazing people! In all honesty, the most important benefit I've ever gotten from yoga is the people I have met along the way, who have become like family.

So my theme today was Kula and in walks Felix -dear Hanuman Felix- with red envelopes filled with a dollar bill, gifts for everyone for the Chinese New Year. Plus, I had also brought fortune cookies for the class! So it was just one of those days where everything gels. Today at 9AM I had such a great group of people. The students were practicing with such care, awareness and fire! And at one moment I told them the story of the demo of Ganda Bherundasana. Lia Aprile, a beautiful, intelligent and radiant yoga teacher and writer, gave me a tip. She told me how she likes to get into the pose (from One-legged Down Dog) and I tried it right then and there and voila! I could do it! Lia and I hugged. Everyone clapped. I might have shed a few tears. Several students were able to get into that pose in class and later during the Practice. It was amazing. It got me thinking how often I decide for myself that I cannot do something; and I am okay with it. And then one day, something shifts and there it is. Huge moral victory and inspiration whenever we do something we didn't think we could do!  It makes us wonder what else is possible?

May we stay open to possibilities on this New Year.

May we keep listening and learning from each other.

Thank you Lia!

Thank you John for the elegant Universal Principles of Alignment.

Thank you beautiful community.

And Thank you Ganda Bherundasana, for your patience with me all these years and for the revelation today!

Been studying the Chinese poet Li-Young Lee for my writing class. My writing teacher Jack Grapes often will give his long-standing students a writer to work on. The idea is to immerse yourself in a writer and then write a journal entry, with your own voice, but inspired by whatever author you are working on. Throughout the years I have worked on: Mary Oliver, Claribel Alegria, Sharon Olds, Rainer Maria Rilke, Charles Bukowski, Anna Akhmatova and others. It is one of my most favorite homework ever. I get to learn about a writer and watch how my own writing is transformed by them.