Life goes on
"Needless to say, after that we noticed very clearly what we did when we felt attacked, betrayed, or confused, when we found situations unbearable or unacceptable. We began to really notice what we did. Did we close down, or did we open up? Did we feel resentful and bitter, or did we soften? Did we become wiser or more stupid? As a result of our pain did we know more about what it is to be human, or did we know less? Were we more critical of our world or more generous? Were we penetrated by the arrows, or did we turn them into flowers?
Pema Chodron, "When Things Fall Apart."
In these last three weeks my body has been through war. The stress has accrued up through the muscles, landing in the shoulders and my thoughts. I have been hyper-sensitive of comments I've heard and notice my tendency to hold on to them. And then I remember something my therapist once said, "Take nothing personally. Nothing is personal." I am trying to soften my heart as I walk in to teach, as I enter conversations, as I respond to questions. I have noticed how much tension I have been living with and am trying to release that. All of this is my teacher. Yesterday my friend treated me to a two-hour massage. It was so needed. And Monday I took Noah's class and that was such a gift, to practice with such tapas and be led by such a strong and truthful teacher, who holds my highest respect.
Ah! Life goes on.
On Monday I saw my private client, the radiant young woman who suffered a brain aneurysm last October. Normally for our sessions I would sit and bring a theme that was personal, universal and carried Siva Sakti philosophy, as we are supposed to do as Anusara teachers. Lately I have been allowing myself more freedom in my teaching. Which, for me, is a good thing. So instead of bringing a theme, I asked her how she felt, how her body was doing? She told me she was experiencing great pain in her lower back and from her description it sounded like S.I. joint pain. I checked her S.I. joint and it indeed was off on the left side. We spent class working on releasing it and at the end it was released; she was out of pain. It was a great lesson for me. To be more present with the student, to share with her all that I had learned from my many gifted teachers and instead of coming in with an agenda, to be open and completely of service.
More continues to be revealed- in my teaching, in my life.
Yesterday I found out my friend Kenny passed away. Tomorrow I fly to Phoenix for his funeral. In these last three weeks I have been so caught up in the Anusara drama that I have forgotten about my friends, the world, my life. Slowly I am integrating more and more in my life. Being there for my community, not just my yoga community but my friends and family.
I wonder what today will bring? And no matter what, I will practice staying open, raw, vulnerable.
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