Darren, Christina, John
A few days ago while I was in Esalen I checked my emails and found an upsetting one. John Friend had written to all of us in the community that two of his most well-known, beloved, and luminous teachers- Darren Rhodes and Christina Sell- had resigned their Anusara certification. I literally grabbed my iPhone and started to find other Anusara teachers who were doing the meditation retreat with me, asking them "Did you hear? Can you believe this?" I think it was the fact that we were in Esalen, doing a meditation retreat with the sublime Sally Kempton, that everyone was benevolently smiling, stating some sweet platitude about "Oh well. It will be all right." I kept going from table to table, through the kale salad and the granola, "Did you hear about this? What happened?" Trying to find, with no avail, someone who would mirror the sadness I was feeling in my heart.
Thankfully we were called back to the pavilion to meditate for the afternoon, so that brought a much needed spaciousness and perspective to the fields of my emotions. The next day in the afternoon I checked my emails again and found a letter Christina had written to the community explaining why she had rescinded her certification, without really explaining why she had left! Again I walked around with my iPhone past the lentil soups and the seaweed, "Can you believe Christina left? She loves Anusara so much! What happened?" And again I was met with soft smiles, benign words and nothing to mirror myself with.
So I did what I have learned from all my years of studying with Sally. I welcomed all that I was feeling: the sadness, the confusion, the pain that John, that Darren and Christina must be feeling. I let my mind roam back to so many years of attending the Advanced Intensive workshops in Tucson and witnessing Darren introduce his teacher John, with such authentic love and humility that it would bring tears to my eyes. I let myself think back on all those times I had heard John talk about Darren and Darren talk about John. Not to sound too dramatic, but I let myself be sad for the past now gone, which won't be.
And Christina, wow- that is difficult. Christina is one of my main teachers and I read her blog every day. And she will continue to be one of my main teachers and I will continue to read her blog, her books and whatever else her fertile mind/heart puts out into the world. I let myself roam through all the workshops, classes, moments when she would share stories about John, Anusara, Inner Harmony. How her clarity and precision of the methodology of Anusara helped me and countless others become even better teachers.
What happened?
My inquiring mind wants to know. And yet my heart knows that I will never really know. That things fall apart. That everything changes. That maybe (and this is purely speculation) as Anusara becomes clearer on what it is and what it requires of certified teachers, it might feel contracting to some and the natural spanda of the Sakti yearns to expand out. I have the feeling that there might be more certified teachers leaving. And knowing me, I will be sad when that happens. I am still sad Mitchel left, and that was a long time ago.
Will more leave?
Will Anusara end?
Will I leave one day?
My mind wanders and spirals through every nook and cranny. Exploring any and every possibility and angle. All I can do is get up in the morning, meditate, connect to the highest and teach my best class. Be of service, be kind and loving and know that the play of Maya is intense, brightly powerful and yet underneath, there is a vast, loving presence which supports all of us. All I can do is give others my support even though I might not understand why or what.
When we meditated in Esalen, we literally sat next to the Pacific Ocean. Often I would look to my left and be met with a silver bluish vastness that reminded me of my deepest essence, which goes beyond the ups and downs of life. Sally at one moment reminded us that a few miles away from us, right there in the Pacific, lies one of the deepest trenches in the world, the Monterey trench. At its deepest it is 2 miles deep. It got me thinking how we won't ever really know what someone is going through, what stories we carry. We walk around carrying the Monterey trench and no one knows. We have so much profundity within us, that even if Darren and Christina sat with me and told me "everything," I still won't really know the whole story. We can't know it all. Maybe we shouldn't. So I walk around with a sadness that will dissipate over time. Knowing, like my fellow retreat participants told me, that everything will be alright; that everything is alright.
I love that you feel so deeply...I'm sure it helps make you a great teacher.
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Great post. I was shocked and saddned as well.
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I was pretty surprised and saddened to hear the news, even though I don't know the teachers but their reputations are huge and I was looking fwd to learning more about Anusara from them. I also realize now that I can and still want to learn from whether they are Anusara teachers or not because they are still amazing teachers. I suppose because I love Anusara so much now-it has been hard to swallow- but like you said, who knows what the future will hold? In the end, I try to comfort myself w this news by telling myself we all do this because we love yoga - that truth is universal. with love!
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Yes Belinda- I agree!
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Thank you. I came across your blog looking for whether Darren has ever published a resignation letter anywhere. I too remember the way he has introduced John in Tucson and his current silence is the loudest thing i here amongst it all.
peace
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Yes- his silence is the loudest sound right now. peace to you too.
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