The schedule was optional yoga with Tara in the morning, followed by breakfast. I must pause and add that the food was sublime. 50% of it comes from their own garden and I was honored to volunteer two days in the morning, helping cut Dwarf Siberian Kale (watch out for the mildew on the kale) and another day helping cut parsley (watch out for "veronica," a look-alike weed) and then triple washing the plants (I finally know what that means!) After breakfast we walked to the pavilion where all our workshops were being held. The walk to the pavilion was about 10 minutes, over a bridge that laid on top of a gurgling river, past the Gazebo school where we saw kids playing outside, blowing bubbles, reveling in nature, walking next to the huge Pacific which seemed to go on forever (like this sentence).

Sally would greet us with a brief meditation, followed by some life enriching and affirming philosophy from Kashmir Shaivism. Then we would meditate some more. Followed by questions. Then Tara would teach yoga and then we would meditate some more. Lunch followed (so yummy every time!) and we had a few hours off. Some days my roommate and dear friend Michelle and I would hang out, go to the mineral water baths, shop at the Esalen store (I bought 5 books!). Other days I would walk around the grounds and even sunbathe by the pool naked! Which I've never in my life! Oh my.

Around 4PM we would go back to the tent, following the same fluid structure of meditation, philosophy, questions and answers, yoga and more meditation. The structure was constant yet organic and it always felt as if Sally was attuned to all of our needs from the temperature of the room to what the next kind of meditation would be. On the last day we ended the retreat with an offering to the fire. We went to the fire pit and offered something we had written on a piece of paper, that we wanted to let go of. Then we also set an intention of something we want to bring forth to our lives. There were hugs all around and I wanted to keep kissing Sally and looking at her.

Oh, Sally. Is it okay if I say that I am in love with her? It feels like that. And yet it feels like the words "I am in love with her" are not enough to hold the love I feel for her. When I see her my heart breaks; not out of sadness, but out of love and recognition. I have been honored to have studied with her since 2003 and I have never, ever, seen her lose patience, be rude, be mean, be anything but the highest, most unconditionally loving heart coupled with the fiercest most brilliant mind I have ever encountered. There are no questions, no books, no experience that she has not had, read or felt. She knows and sees you always and accepts you right where you are, just as you are. As I write this I feel tears in my eyes from witnessing a teacher so luminous that embodies these most sublime teachings of Tantra.

I bow down deeply to her and. And as I bow down I am aware that she lives in me and I look forward to finding her in my teachings, in my writing and in my meditations. 

Thank you Sally. 

Thank you glorious Tara for your fierce intellect, deep curiosity and irreverent reverence. Thank you Michelle for being such a great roommate and friend. Thank you for bringing me water all those times. 

Thank you fellow yogis who partook on this journey. I hope to see you all next year. 

Lastly, thank you Esalen and Big Sur for your drama, your dangerous beauty and for allowing us all to love you and take in your unfathomable light.

Namaste.