I drove to Bel Air Presbyterian Church at Mulholland Drive for Ryan Knight's funeral. His father Bill had told me that Ryan loved this Church, and would often go there. As soon as I drove into the parking lot, I could see why. The view of Los Angeles was vast. This place seemed to inhabit both spirituality and danger; for when you drive in, you feel as if you are driving over a cliff. 

I got there early. I sat diagonally from Ryan's ashes and his beaming picture. I made sure I was sitting in such a way that I could see Ryan's face and it seemed that Ryan was looking at me. Right below his picture: "December 14th, 1981- September 8th, 2011." Ryan was 29 years old. He died of an accidental drug overdose. His father Bill told me afterwards that every 14 minutes someone dies of a drug overdose. That indeed drug overdoses have surpassed automobile deaths. 

During the ceremony Bill gave an incredibly moving tribute to his son. As well as his friend's Jeff and Susanne. It was heartbreaking. There really are no words.

There was one moment of levity. Everyone mentioned how Ryan was famously late for his appointments. I nodded in silence and later mentioned to Bill that Ryan was late for literally every class with me. But it never annoyed me. I was always so happy to see him. I also told him that at the end of class, as we would all close our eyes and say the closing meditation blessing, Ryan was the last one to open his eyes. I keep thinking how much he loved that sweet blessed space that one taps into after yoga. I try to find Ryan in that space at the end of my own practice.

I was incredibly moved to see his ex-girlfriend Angela there. When I first met Ryan about 5 years ago at Black Dog, he would often come with Angela. They later broke up and Angela moved to New York. Angela and I hugged. She told me she had found my blog and read what I wrote about Ryan. I couldn't believe it. She now works at Yoga Works in NY. I hope I stay in touch with her- she is in my heart, as is Bill and Ryan's family and friends.

As I walked out of the ceremony, I was surprised to see Gabriel there. Gabriel is one of my dear students and knew Ryan from Black Dog. I couldn't believe that Gabriel was there! I said, "What are you doing here? That is so sweet you are here!" And Gabriel said, "Well, I know Ryan meant a lot for you so I wanted to be here for you." And there it was: the kindness and compassion of the human heart as it takes forms through individual actions and brightens our dark days. I talked to Gabriel for a while, making sure to ask questions and be present. I want to connect to my students, to everyone really, try to make every moment count.

Later I went over to Ryan's dad. I had talked to Bill on the phone but we hadn't formally met. Bill was so touched I was there. I always remember something my High School friend Anthony Murray once taught me. Anthony lost his Mom many years ago, and told me that after seeing how many people were there for his Mom's funeral, he would always do everything in his power to go to other people's funeral. I always remember that lesson. Bill thanked me again for being there and told me how much Ryan loved yoga. I was beaming and bawling at the same time. I stayed until the very end. When I hugged Bill goodbye, he invited me over to the house. I was so touched. I felt it should be family and close friends so I declined. But I was so touched to be asked. I took Mulholland back home. I heard that Ryan loved to drive through Mulholland really fast. I stayed under the speed limit and thought of him as I drove safely home.

Bless you dear Ryan. 

Good night sweet prince. 

Namaste.