"I am"
Been thinking lately about how interesting language is. How often I find myself making "I am" statements, which can feel so confining. I had this realization, since English is not my native tongue. I was thinking how different it is to use the "I am" sentence in Spanish. For instance, in English when I feel sad I say, "I am sad." Thus I end up completely identifying with sadness. It unites me fully with whatever emotion I happen to be feeling. However in Spanish when I'm feeling say, sad, we don't say, "I am sad," we say "I am with sadness:" "Yo estoy triste. Not: "Yo soy triste." Interesting, right? How even the language itself makes you contract and limit yourself. But in Spanish, in French and I'm sure many other languages there's a little more spaciousness between the I and the emotion... Wouldn't it be something if we could say instead of "I am angry" say "I am with the feeling of anger." Doesn't that just naturally adds such a pillow between you and the emotion?
All in all, I've been trying to find more spaciousness in my mind and body. This weekend I found myself feeling sad intensely. And one of the most helpful things I did was to simultaneously accept the feeling, while reminding myself that I too am part of something greater. Honoring both my individuality and my universality.
Same with my students. Often I notice that they'll decide at the beginning of class how their practice is going to go ('Oh I'm tired today... I'm weak... I'm not that strong...") And more often than not, as they begin to move, to align, to connect to their breath, their light gets brighter and brighter, and at the end of the class people generally feel more expanded than how they came in.
As a teacher I do want to listen, I do want to hear where people are, I do want to teach to the room. And I do want to remind the students and myself that we are not just our thoughts, not just our emotions, not just our bodies...
All in all, this is a very juicy contemplation, deeply philosophical. But as Christina Sell has reminded me on the online mentoring course that I'm doing with her: you cannot teach an idea. You have to teach an action. So I chose to teach about "expansion" and how expansive we feel when we remember that we are indeed more than just our thoughts, our bodies, our emotions...
Theme: "Expansion"
Focus: Organic Energy.
Have focused a lot on the shoulders and on organically extending out of the heart in Down Dog, Handstand, Forearm Balance.
I've also been teaching to the room, and teaching a little bit slower. Have seen especially today at Still and yesterday at Black Dog, how gorgeous student's practices are. I notice that the more grounded I am, the more that I pause and find my breath, the better class goes. The less I worry about "kicking their asses" or "being the best teacher ever in the entire world, forever!"
The sequencing was nothing out of this world. We just did basic, familiar poses. I reminded them to align, to breathe, to honor their individual effort while still extending out through the core lines. I did not worry about boring the students. Which was a great relief for me! What freedom!
At one moment we were doing Urdhva Dhanurasanas. I started to have the old mental dialogue of "gosh I should have them do a crazy backbend next." " We should do a challenging variation." " But then I calmed myself down, by reminding myself that Urdhva was enough and that they were doing a great job. Just then and there a student -in fact one of the most bendy and advanced in the room- called me over. With a soft, shy voice, she asked me to help her cause she was having back pain in Urdhva.
And all the while, I had been worrying that class was not "hard enough!" There I was, all ego, thinking about how to make class more fiery, and one of the strongest students needed help and I would have missed it! I went over and watched her Urdhva and noticed that she wasn't fully plugging her shoulder blades on her back, which can cause lower back pain. I was able to help her and the she went up on her own, no pain.
At the end of class, we did a lovely meditation, right before savasana.
"Sit comfortably with the eyes closed.
Breathe.
Soften the skin...
...
Now in silence repeat "I am" followed by your name. For instance, " I am Maria Cristina Jimenez."
Do that three times.
...
Then repeat in silence, "I am."
Do that three times.
...
Then repeat in silence, "I."
Do that a few times.
...
Then just sit with the silence...
...
I gave the option of staying in a seated pose or going to savasana. Most stayed seated.
It was a lovely class...
Oh- one last thing-
I've been doing many poses from the Level 2 Syllabi but I've forgotten to write them. So here goes.
Anusara Poster Project Poses:
Hanumanasana.
Sirsasana variations including "Upavista Konasana; Baddha Konasana and Parsva Sirsasana in Virasana."
Most go now cause, "I am with the feeling of tiredness..."
I absolutely love your blog! Your entries are so open and honest and I love reading about your thought process. You inspire me - thanks so much for sharing!
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Thanks so much for this insight --
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