Santosha
I got an Evite a month ago to attend my High School's 20th anniversary reunion. Yikes! Yes everyone: I'm 37! I decided to go since my parent's very sweetly offered to invite me to San Juan. So in two weeks I shall be seeing people whom I haven't seen since I was 17. I'm sure it's going to be a wild ride!
And yet all that I've been thinking about so far is one thing, and one thing only: I MUST LOOK HOT. So embarrassing to admit, but it's true. I must look hot and sexy and cute. I've been hiking every single day. I got a jumping rope and started to skip and after five minutes I was exhausted. I've been doing yoga every day. I booked an appointment already in Puerto Rico for highlights, nails, the works. I MUST LOOK HOT.
Why? Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with the way I look?
And there it is.
As soon as I quiet the answer surfaces:
because I am not enough the way I am.
Because I am not enough the way I look.
Because I am not enough the way I lead my life.
There it is, the malas, the eternal dusts that cover the mirror in which we see ourselves and the world.
We are not enough, we are unworthy, there is something wrong with us, everyone else has their life "together" but me...
Deep down I know this to be untrue.
So I go to Yoga,
I go to Yoga to find solace.
I find it, as I often do, in my mediation teacher Sally Kempton. I started to re-listen to one of her tele-conferences and it was on the niyama santosha. Santosha means "contentment" or "peace." Even the word to me sounds soft and sweet. We practice cultivating santosha no matter what is going on in our lives, as a way of remembering that we are indeed divine, that our essence is perfect and utterly blissful. One of the ways that Sally suggests we practice this concept (and which I've been doing every day this week) is to silently repeat as you're meditating on your inhale:
"Whatever I have is enough," and to silently repeat on your exhale:
"Whatever I am is enough."
On the inhale: "Whatever I have is enough."
On the exhale: "Whatever I am is enough."
That's it. I've been doing that and noticed that almost immediately there is a softening that happens in the shoulders and a sense of a weight being lifted. I also find that after a few minutes the mantra gently falls away -like a leaf- and I find myself floating in a very calm place. Mantras after all are there to help us get to a space and we let them go whenever we organically feel like it's time to.
I hope that in these next few weeks and especially when I head back home and come face to face with my past, I can walk tall in the knowledge that I am worthy, that we all are worthy and that all of our lives have value and are a work of art.
Theme: Santosha
Focus: Skull Loop and Shoulder Loop ("Take the head back and hold it high. Stand proud in who you are")
Started with Sally's mediation in the centering.
Then Tadasana with some yummy shoulder openers using a strap.
Surya A
Lunge, into twist.
Parsvakonasana with top hand behind the head ("take the hyoid bone back, head back, heart forward...")
Warrior 2 to Parsvakonasana with the arm on the inside this time (to really press the head of the humerus back).
Twisting Down Dog
Prasarita Padottanasana (add twist)
Went to the wall:
Bunny hops (Monica suggested using a bolster to push head back as you jump up. Brilliant idea!!!)
Eagle Handstand at the wall.
Handstand backbend at the wall (with butt and legs against the wall while heart is reaching towards center of the room.)
Same thing in a forearm balance.
Uttanasana against the wall.
Rolled blanket under feet- another uttanasana
Eka Pada Rajakapotasana #1 prep with blanket under belly. Go into twist.
Supta Half Baby
Supta Baby Cradle
PEAK POSE ALERT!
Eka Pada Sirsasana (first time ever teaching this pose, and first time I could do it yesterday in my home practice. Many did it this morning for this first time! Yay to Lia, Monica, Sara, Lynn!!!)
Eka Pada Gomukha Paschimottanasana
Paschimottanasana
Seated Meditation
Savasana
Anusara Poster Project Pose: Eka Pada Gomukha Paschimottanasana
What a fun class today!
Can't wait to see Sally Kempton this Sunday at Black Dog!
And this Saturday I am doing my Restorative workshop at Black Dog. Been preparing all week!
one of my oldest friends is from carolina, pr. i like to think of having a family there
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Although I am 47 and heading to my 30! year reunion this fall. You are a decade ahead of me in wisdom, thank you for this post, it showed up just in time for some much needed encouragement.
Blessings, Nan
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43 years out and I still haven't attended a high school reunion - probably for the same reason as you. Yet, as I re-connect with some old friends (? - I can barely remember them) on Facebook, I sense a feeling in myself of completeness. Not better than, not worse than, just more full. Yoga? I think so.
If I were going to a reunion, tho, I'd be right with you on the LOOKING HOT part -- after all, part of feeling good about ourselves is looking as good as we can. At least that's my theory.
Have fun and take lots of deep breaths!
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