My students, my teachers
Had a huge learning experience yesterday at the Teacher Training. Had prepared a kick-ass, creative, awesome class for the practice. Had a great theme, and was ready to talk about adhikara, about the importance of being great students.
I got there early. Was looking over my notes, had meditated in the morning, had done the class already by myself and couldn't wait to share with the students what I thought to be an excellent practice. I was there at 11am when the workshop started and then- only one person was there. Oh, no...
Slowly the students started to arrive and I noticed that several of them were going through something personal (one was in tears) and the energy overall seemed pretty down. Four of the students had dull, unresponsive faces and didn't crack a smile... Now, normally I would say something to the effect of "I'm noticing the energy is low... You guys, how are you doing? Let's talk about what's going on and where you are today with your practice..."
However, I was so darn excited to teach the practice, so thrilled to be given a chance to lead a fun, creative, challenging class that I kept on it. I did pause at one moment and rallied the troops giving a Braveheart-esque speech. To be fair, there were several who seemed into it and were very present. But there was a part of me that was feeling- I will admit it to this- disappointed.
I started to feel disappointed that the overall energy was so low.
I started to feel let down.
I wanted everyone to be present.
I wanted everyone to be strong.
I wanted everyone to be into it.
I wanted everyone- here we go- to be like me. To be like me! To love yoga as much as I do, to want to do hard poses and hard back bends as much as I do. To want to give it 100% each time.
One of my students came up to me afterwards and asked if she could talk to me. She explained why her energy was down, told me how much she loved me and gently suggested that my expectations were too high. That there was nothing wrong with being a bit low energy. That not everyone is as a hard core yogi as I. She's right. What a wonderful gift she gave me.
My eyes are watering as I write this. Gosh, I have so much to learn! It's so humbling...
This situation strikes to the core of my main issues- I want others to love life and to love yoga as much as I do. How unfair of me! What do I know about what someone else is going through? Who am I to judge and determine how much someone loves yoga?
I know exactly where this comes from- someone in my immediate family attempted suicide. Several times. And for the last 20 years or so I have felt a burden to remind this person and others of how precious life is, of what a gift being alive is, of how important it is to live your life fully.... My heart breaks when I can't reach this person or others.
My biggest challenge truly is to try to love everyone unconditionally and still give them space to be where they are, even if it is in a dark place.
So may I prepare my classes. May I come up with a great class and still be willing to lovingly throw it away- like Buddhist monks do with the sand mandalas. May I not be attached to results. May I continue to learn how to best serve the energy in the room and serve my beloved students.
Namaste.
Amen to that sister! Te entiendo, aveces es tan dificil cuando otros no tienen el entusiasmo que yo siento, parte de mi quiere "ayudarlos" or mejor dicho "arreglarlos" y me he chocado contra varias paredes... pero al fin, nuestra precencia y crear un espacio dode otros puedan ser quienes son es nuestro mejor regalo... besitos
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Thank you Maria for the post. As a new, excited and sometimes over-enthusiastic teacher, I need this reminder to give the space, to not force my agenda on the students.
Thank you!
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Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
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