Advanced Intensive, day 2: Saraswati
I'm dividing this blog entry into two parts: the universal and the personal. The universal being what John taught, as clearly as I can record it and the personal being my insights from today's practice...
The Universal:
John started with a Tantric axiom which was: "The Highest First." Meaning that one should always start with the most important lesson first. Train the mind to go to the highest first, and then the rest and the details follow. He asked us what the highest was from yesterdays' teaching and the answer was: Remember the Goddess. That the Goddess is everywhere, she takes the form of our breath, of our bodies, of ourselves. May we remember her always.
He then asked us to write different attributes of the Goddess:
She is free, svatantrya. She wants you to be free.
She pulsates: She has spanda. A throbbing, a pulsation.
She is Chit: she is Consciousness.
She is purna, perfect within herself.
She is shri, beautiful, auspicious.
She is ananda, blissful.
John reminded us that when he chose Anusara's logo (which is a downward pointing triangle inside a heart) he chose that triangle because it's Shakti's glyph. In Anusara we are not trying to control Nature, we are not trying to control our breath, we are not trying to control our bodies, we are simply trying to align with the Shakti and dance with her. And because she is Nature and because she is Spanda and because she is alive and conscious, she is always moving and changing and we have to be adept and skillful enough to align with her so that grace can pour into our lives. We have to be sensitive to her so that we can move with her.
Today we focused on a different form of the Goddess, this one called Saraswati. Saraswati is the Goddess of knowledge and the arts. "Sara" means flow and "swa" means one's own. Saraswati is a beautiful artistic woman, resting on a swan, with a peacock beside her. She holds a veena, an instrument similar to a guitar with two of her four arms. Another holds the Vedas, while another holds mala beads. She is the Goddess of language, of the arts, of music. She is said to be the mother of all artists, musicians and students. She is also the Goddess of order. Language for instance has order, a sequence.
Saraswati is in you as you line up your feet in a standing pose, setting your foundation. She is in you as you practice saucha, the first of the five niyamas. She is in you as you go through the principles of alignment in order, in sequence (krama). She is in you as you speak articulately. She is in you as you move with grace.
John reminded us that the Universal Principles of Alignment are not John Friend's principles but rather they are universal. They benefit everyone. Everyone -for instance- needs to have their thigh bones rooted back before they do tailbone. There is an order to alignment and whenever we honor that order we are honoring Saraswati. Life has order; the body has an order. John talked about Fibonnacci numbers and sacred geometry. If you've ever read John's musings on Tweeter you know how much he is into this stuff. It is so nice to hear, so peaceful for me to hear that underneath it all there is an order to Nature, to life...
Beautiful quote inspired by Saraswati which John mentioned from esteemed Tantric scholar Douglas Brooks. Before he speaks, he would say to John: "May Saraswati dance on my tongue."
In the afternoon session John asked a yogi named Betty (not sure of the spelling of her name) to sing us a song. She stood on the stage, looked at all of us, took a breath, sang om and then went into a jazz song that I'm not familiar with. I closed my eyes and drank her song and so admired her grace.
The Personal:
Today's practice in the morning was hard for me. I felt stiff and anava mala would come up in the form of "this is too hard, I'm getting old, I'm not in shape anymore..." And yet I kept lining up, chanting my mantra, praying to the Goddess. I had my mala beads that a beloved teacher gave to me back in 2002 and today Manoj out of the blue gifted me with a new set of mala beads- so sweet. So I had all my spiritual bling and I needed it! It's the Advanced Intensive! I was feeling tight on my shoulders and was starting to get a bit of shoulder muscular pain. I had my dear friend and beloved teacher Tiffany Fraser practicing next to me so I breathed her light. We partnered the whole day, supporting each other.
This morning we did so many backbends! We did urdhvas, then we went into dwi pada viparita dandasana; into one legged dwi pada, into partner dwi pada. I kept going back to the principles and really concentrating on the order of the principles so that the Goddess could move through me. Then John took us through the four pigeons: Eka Pada Rajakapotasana 1, 2, 3 and 4. I surprised myself by being able to do Eka Pada Rajakapotasana #3 which is the one with the front leg in virasana and the back leg in full pigeon- did both sides! Huge breakthrough. You never know when a breakthrough is going to come! You just show up and hope it happens.
My insight this morning was that I don't have to work so hard. May I open to this bigger energy and let her play the music. May I be humble to her. May I continue to the principles in order as one of a myriad ways of paying homage to her.
John suggested to us that after we practice we ask ourselves three questions:
1) Did I gain insight into myself?
2) Did I align with her?
3) Give thanks to her.
He also reminded us that advanced students:
1) Bring meaning to their practice
2) Have a mindful awareness of alignment
3) Have balance of action
In the afternoon my shoulder/neck pain was strong enough that I was seriously thinking of taking Advil. When John mentioned we were going to do Headstands and Shoulder Stands my heart was not ecstatic. But I stayed put, I didn't escape to the bathroom, I didn't pretend I had my period. I kept trying to put into practice all the teachings.
First we did some beautiful hip openers and then went into viloma pranayama. And then it happened- something really cool. I started to feel some stirrings of energy I would describe as kundalini-like. My body was moving side to side and it felt like I was a harp that was being played. I did my best to not go into any thoughts about this including: "this is weird. this is cool. this is advanced. i'm having a kundalini awakening, finally! this is weird and I'm weird. thank god my family cannot see this...etc etc." I just let it be. I'm not better or worse than anyone in the room- I was just having an experience. And here's the most beautiful thing- afterwards the pain left. Gone. No more shoulder/neck pain. I had a great headstand and shoulders stand and lovely afternoon.
I got home and like Manoj suggested, sat in front of Durga and mediated on her form. As if one cue, one of my cats- Gigi- walked to my lap so I became a version of Durga with my own little tiger underneath.
I am so blessed that yoga found me and so blessed for the order that it has given to my life.
Thank you John.
Jai Saraswati!
My dear Maria!
Thank you for your insight and your honesty. I always enjoy reading your blog. You are Saraswati.
This is my first time attending the advanced intensive, I had no idea what I was going to face and even though my teachers encouraged me to apply I was a little intimidated by the title and level of practice that was going to be expected.
There have been many moments in the past few days when I felt the veil descending… what am I doing here? I'm not good enough. I can't do half these poses. I kept breathing and remembering. I know I'm surrounded by love, the tiger has not eaten me yet.
Yesterday when John was talking about Kali and Durga and how if you are not completely present and in the moment she will eat you, I kept thinking about the times when I've been walking and come face to face with a coyote. There really is something so fierce and terrifying in the eyes of a wild animal like that. There is no fear, there is a burning, it's as if they can see right through to your soul. And even though I keep telling myself, they don't normally attack humans, the hair on the back of my neck raises and I feel a surge of electrical energy - adrenalin coursing through my blood stream. So I tried to bring that level of aliveness to my practice.
Today the personal insight that I got was that the goddess really wants to dance with us. She is luring us to dance with her. The longing that we feel for enlightenment is her calling us to dance. And each one of us can dance with her. We don't have to be able to fold in half backwards or recite the sutras in english and sanscrit for her to join us on the razors edge in a dance. We just have to find our way there and she will put her arms around us and lift us up. So I keep remembering to dance to the best of my ability and remember her. I'm sore from the top of my head to my toes, but it feels good. I'm exstatic I could be part of this gathering.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be in the presence of so many goddesses, and so grateful to practice in the presence of my teachers as we all dance this beautiful dance together.
Thank you so much Maria, for being such a light.
xoxo Mackie
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Awesome notes. Wish I had time to read all your amazing blogs. What a teacher! What a yogini! Good that you have oldies like me reading. The song that Betty (?) sang which was "The Song is You". Her acapella rendition gave me chills. It was Shri! Glorious! Here is a version sung by Frank Sinatra. http://tinyurl.com/yatcyc2
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