Ok.
Yesterday I taught at Black Dog and had a really interesting moment. I teach mixed level classes which means I get all kinds of levels. But generally most of my students have a regular and disciplined practice. Yesterday, however, there was someone new, completely new. Not only new to Anusara but new to yoga.
Ok...
I meet the students before class, ask them their names, injuries, experience, etc. I met with her and I told her that although she was welcome and that I would take care of her as best as I could in a group class, that this was not a basics class and that she should know that. And I highly recommended that she instead go to a Basic class.. She quickly told me that she does tons of Pilates and that she wanted to try this.
Ok!
When we got inside the room I asked her to be more in the middle so that she could look around and see yogis doing all the poses so she could follow them and not be lost. But she said no. She said she wanted to be in the back, hiding.
ok...
So within the first five minutes she came down and just sat and was looking at me with a strange expression. Then she would go back to the poses and then she would come down again and just watch. I checked in with her, and gave her several verbal adjustments including to make her poses longer and to widen her hands in down dog. I could tell she was struggling and I encouraged for her and everyone in class to take child's pose when necessary.
Ok!
And then it happened, the interesting moment. Suddenly I had a realization that at any moment, she was going to walk out of my class and leave. I just knew it. Now, ask any yoga teachers who's been teaching for a while about their stories of people leaving class. I know sometimes students don't feel well, and sometimes something comes up. And by the way, I'm not talking leaving in the last 10 minutes, I'm talking leaving in the middle of class. Yes, they get up and they leave.
And it hurts.
And it's weird.
And it is very easy to take it personally.
So I had this moment where not only did I know that a student was going to leave class but, here it comes the big moment, I was actually perfectly at peace with her leaving! Amazing!!! What a breakthrough. I had this moment of truly wishing the student the best and realizing that her leaving was nothing personal and I was actually fine with it! I realized that as good of a teacher as I am, I am not for everyone and that is fine. And that I want everyone who is in my class, to really want to be in my class!
OK!!!!
And then she didn't leave.
And she stayed and struggled.
Hell she even wanted to do a drop back but I didn't let her (She couldn't do urdhva.)
So she left and told the manager that class was great, that she had a lovely time and that the next time she was going to try a basics class instead.
Ok!
I remember my first yoga class, which was my first class with you as my teacher. Right after September 11 in New York, as the city was still trying to get out of the shock. Instantly aware of the challenge at hand, childs pose seemed like a better option.
Still it was a step forward. A step on the right direction.
Almost a decade later, sometimes it feels like the very first day.
But.
It always ends the same way.
Humbled. In a better place.
And a step forward.
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