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tanmayo maya-pramata
Been reading the Prayabhijna-hrdayam (The Splendor of Recognition), a sutra text written in the 11th century by Kshemaraja. The text has only 20 sutras, and I'm on the sixth one. The sixth sutra is: tanmayo maya-pramata which Swami Shantananda translates as: "One whose nature is that (the mind) experiences maya."
The implication is that we experience maya, especially because we are so identified with our mind. Maya is a richly textured concept. It literally means, "she who measures." Maya is the power that veils, that conceals our true nature. Maya is also the generative force which creates and projects the experience of multiplicity. Maya is the reason why we see difference when we look around and perceive the world through our senses. As Georg Feuerstein says, "...the One appears to be limited and measurable through the separation of subject and object..." (Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy.)
It is the nature of the mind to perceive and experience maya. We as tantric yogis are seeking to expand our consciousness and to loosen the bonds that ensnare us. So one of the ways to do this is by looking at the mind and seeing how the mind works, how it perceives maya and what happens to us in the process. So how do we know and understand the world? The mind has been described as having three distinct parts: manas, buddhi and ahamkara. Manas has been translated as the "thinking faculty", buddhi as "intellect" and ahamkara as the "ego."
Manas (the mind) is the mental faculty which synthesizes whatever your senses hear, feel, see, taste, and smell, into concepts and ideas. Buddhi is the part of your intellect which discriminates whatever concept or idea comes through. Ahamkara (literally the I-maker) is the principle by which you create your self, your personality; it's the way you make an experience your own.
For me, the best ever description of these three faculties of the mind came from Sri Swami Satchidananda:
"For example, say you are quietly sitting enjoying the solitude when a nice smell comes from the kitchen. The moment the manas records, "I'm getting a fine smell from somewhere," the buddhi discriminates, "What is that smell? I think it's cheese. How nice. What kind? Swiss? Yes, it's Swiss cheese." Then once the buddhi decides, "Yes, it's a nice piece of Swiss cheese like you enjoyed in Switzerland last year," the ahamkara says, "Oh is it so? Then I should have some now." These three things happen one at a time, but so quickly that we seldom distinguish between them.
(Satchidananda, Integral Yoga: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali)
So the mind perceives through the senses (manas), discriminates (buddhi), and finds a way to create "I's" by connecting me to the world out there and making the Subject be a part of the object (ahamkara). This is a beautiful system that we have and the answer is not to demonize the mind, nor demonize maya but rather find a way to relate to the mind and maya in a healthier manner. Reading this sutra allows me to feel more reverence to the intricacies of our minds. Just simply learning about my psychic instrument and its three parts, allows me to play with my mind, kind of like when you pause a movie and start to slow forward it... bit by bit. Lately I've been looking at the world and allowing myself to feel those gaps between hearing a sound (manas), and taking my time being lost in the sound without knowing what it is. Then allowing the buddhi to come in and tell me that the sound was indeed a car. Lastly my ahamkara shows up and tells me that I find that sound annoying. All this reminds me of techniques we do when we meditate, or when we do yoga. We slow down, we pay attention. We fall in love with ourselves and the intricacies of our embodiment.
Labor Day Weekend
Had a lovely Labor Day weekend. Didn't teach for three days- which was great (although I did teach a private). Took three different classes. Went to the movies, hung out with friends, read, wrote, sunbathed, meditated, did yoga on my own, watched 30 Rock re-runs, and just chilled.
I always say that the hardest pose people will ever do in my class is showing up; it's making it to class. I know for me the hardest part about meditation is actually sitting on my purple cushion. Once I'm there, it's OK. But to actually make time to sit there, takes a lot of effort on my part. So much easier to turn on the TV and watch reruns of True Blood or 30 Rock.
This is a lesson that I need to keep re-learning over and over: effort and opening to grace. Once I'm in class, no matter how I feel, I have to trust that it will all be OK. I have to have faith that grace will carry me. That it's okay to not make any conclusions about how I feel at the beginning of the class. Because how I feel at the beginning of a class is very different from how I feel in the middle of a yoga class, or at the end. The transformation, the alchemy that happens during a yoga class is quite dramatic and real.
Speaking of faith, I'm extremely sad that I won't be going to India at this time. I payed for my trip, I have my airplane ticket, my visa, all set to go. We were supposed to leave two weeks from this coming Thursday. And about a week ago, the person who's hosting the retreat called to tell me that he still doesn't have his visa. Now there is a chance he'll get it but we are two weeks away from going! And the more I thought about it, I don't do well with this kind of spontaneity; especially when traveling, and traveling to India! If I knew that he planned a retreat without a visa I would never had signed up for it. I know I might sound to some like I'm overreacting, but I need a little more structure and planning when I'm going to a retreat, especially in India. I sincerely hope that he does end up getting his visa and that everyone has a lovely retreat. I always liked this teacher and it breaks my heart, it truly does, to not be able to attend. But my instincts are telling me not to go.
So I have to have faith that my cancelation will be resolved in the most easeful manner.
That I made the right decision.
That I'll go to India one day.
Grace will carry me.
Boddhi Tree
The students from Black Dog's Teacher Training gave me the most generous and perfect gift for my attaining the Anusara certification. They gave me a gift certificate for the Boddhi Tree bookstore. So I took myself there today and spent about three hours perusing every corner, every bookshelf, talking to strangers who became new friends, running into students, looking at statues, books, journals.
At the end I was a little dizzy. But happy.
I left with the following:
*a statue of a seated Siva with his trident, one hand in abhaya mudra.
*a statue of a young Krishna with different animals.
*Radha: Diary of a woman's search by Swami Sivananda Radha
(someone at the store, a yoga teacher from Toronto, told me I HAD to get this book, so I did!)
*I am that: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
(have been a fan of him for a while but never read him; looking forward to it.)
*BKS Iyengar's Light on Pranayama
(have many books by Mr. Iyengar and I even have his Light on Yoga in my car, but I've never actually owned this one.)
*Ramakrishna and his disciples by Christopher Isherwood
(heard Paul Muller-Ortega speak about him back in January and finally bought this book.)
*The Key Poses of Hatha Yoga by Ray Long MD
(have his other book, this one is expensive but worth it as it tells you exactly which muscles you are using in the asanas.)
Gift certificate: $100
Extra money spent: $140
How much I love my students: Priceless
Thank you guys so much!
Off to the park to do some yoga and read!
Santosha in Restorative
Just taught my restorative class at Still. Used the theme of "santosha" which means contentment. May we practice feeling that who we are, at this moment in time, is enough. Without fixing, without doing anything. May we just rest in the idea that who we are is enough.
Nathan from Black Dog's teacher training was assisting me, and he is really inspiring in the way he jumps right in, asks questions and then goes and assists so well.
We started, as I often do, on their backs in a series of supine stretches.
Tonight we started with Mountain Brook.
Then we did Viparita Karani, which is my hardest pose to teach in Restorative. I think tonight went really well, with everyone having a folded blanket underneath their pelvis, a blanket under their heads and a strap over the calves. Did notice a student who has some lower back issues getting fidgety. Whenever I notice a student in restorative get the slightest bit fidgety, I run over and see how I can help. I changed her to another pose.
Then we did supported bridge (or I've also heard it called "supported shoulder stand.") This is the one where you lie over a bolster -the long way- and your head and shoulders are on the floor. Your feet rest on two blankets, so the whole body is elevated, while your head and shoulders are on the floor. Come to think of it, I've also heard this pose called "Fish."
I didn't hold this pose too long and I think it went surprisingly well.
We ended of course with Savasana.
I always give the students the option to stay in a pose longer, if it feels right for them. And so far in every single class, someone has taken me up on that, and I love to see students honoring themselves when they need/want to stay longer in a pose, and not just following the teacher along.
We finished with a closing and blessing.
I never sweat as much as I do when I teach restorative yoga!
But still, it is incredibly rewarding and I feel a deep connection to the students afterwards.
Off to bed!
Upeksa
Had a little tiff with a family member over the phone. And as I was listening to them get angry at me, I felt the "alien" monster in me rise up and want to lash out at them.
But, I paused.
Took a deep breath.
And responded, instead of reacted.
I said, "Thank you; I'll think of what you said and consider it." And hung up.
Earlier in the day, I had just read a quote from a book my friend Tony had given to me, about quotes from Ram Dass. One of them struck me, "Treat everyone you meet as if they were God in drag." What a great quote! The quote was marinating in my consciousness as this family member was challenging me. And I paused, thinking, what if they were God in drag? What if part of what they are saying is true? Hmm. Slowly, I started to experience a bigger perspective that the Buddhist and yogis refer to as "upeksa" or evenness of mind, equanimity. Upeksa is seeing the big picture, having an eagle-eye point of view instead of getting caught up in all the little details. It is such an important quality that the Buddha considered it one of the four Brahma-Viharas (the other three are mudita, metta and karuna).
So I taught classes about having evenness in our postures.
Continued going deep into the hips and some strange arm balances.
I find that arm balances are the least graceful of all the poses. I kind of huff and puff my way in and out of them. So they are a great field to explore the quality of evenness in.
Theme: Upeksa
Focus: Muscular Energy
"As we are seated noticed if you are favoring one side more than the other."
"Find evenness in the cycle of your breath."
"Most poses in yoga are asymmetrical, so find balance between your strength and your freedom."
Sequence:
Child's Pose, Down Dog, Uttananasana
Suryas with shoulder stretches
Crescent with arms backs, fingers interlaced. Go to Ostrich
Garudasana
Trikonasana to Ardha Chandrasana to Ardha Chandra Chapasana to Revolved Ardha Chandrasana to Pigeon prep #1
Forearm Balance with a block between the wrists and the palms up.
"Hug in towards the part of you that is always centered."
Gomukhasana; add twist
All fours take one leg into lotus, go to AMS (down dog) and then into Kasyapasana
Agnistambhasana
Eka Pada Galavasana prep
Eka Pada Galavasana
Baddha Konasana stretch with block
Mayurasana
Triangmukahikapada Paschimottanasana
Krounchasana
Bharadvajasana #2
Lotus
Supta Padangusthasana
Savasana
Anusara Poster Project Pose: Mayurasana, Kasyapasana, Eka Pada Galavasana
Mudita
Taught two classes on the theme of mudita, "sympathetic joy." Mudita is one of the four Brahma-Viharas or the "abodes of Brahma." One of the four most important qualities the Buddha said we human beings ought to cultivate in our lifetime. I was thinking of mudita because one of my friends got a lot of credit over a weekend workshop I took, and it sparked some feelings of jealousy in me. It sparked some feelings of "what about me? Why can't other's see my own light?" Which- to be really honest- is one of my oldest wounds, going all the way back to childhood, to when my brother got all the attention growing up.
And then -this is true- as the workshop progressed, I found myself allowing the feelings of mudita to take seed and spread. I found myself being truly happy for my friend and feeling an expansion inside. How wonderful for her to be seen. Good for her and all the work that she has done! Of course she is wonderful!
I think when we practice mudita, we can see that other's triumphs do not in any way diminish our own light; in fact, it can enhance it. And practicing sympathetic joy can also help us receive the love, when others are truly happy for our own success. I know in this last week so many people have been so happy for me, in regards to my certification. I've been getting ecstatic emails, calls, texts, letters, some gifts (thank you Erika, Tony!) some dinner invitations (Joy!) and so much love. And being able to receive the love without being self-deprecating or dismissive is a gift you give back to others.
Theme: Mudita
Virtue: Expansion
UPA: Organic Energy
"When we remember we're all one, then we can express our joy towards others even more fully."
We went into the hips and arm balances today.
Sequence:
Child's Pose, Down Dog, Uttanasana
Surya Namaskar interspersed with a few shoulder stretches
Crescent with the arms back, fingers interlaced. Go into Ostrich.
Some groin stretches:
low lunge with forearms down
low lunge hold back foot with opposite hand.
Dolphin
Forearm Balance with strap around upper arms, to feel organic energy expansion in the upper arms.
Baddha Konasana version with a block to stretch adductors (apparently there's two different versions of this- one with the block underneath the feet and one with the block between the feet and you keep switching the level of the block- thanks Mackie!).
Baby cradle
Eka Hasta Bhujasana. Astavakrasana. Eka Pada Koundyniasana #1
Vajrasana
Bharadvajrasana #1
Parivrtta Parsvakonasana
Eka Pada Koundinyasana #1
Setu Bandhasana
Supta Padangusthasana variations
Savasana
Anusara Poster Project Pose: Eka Pada Koundinyasana #1
citir eva cetana-padad avarudha cetya-samkocini cittam
The fifth sutra of the Pratyabhijna-hrdayam (The Splendor of Recognition) is: "Consciousness herself, having descended from the expanded state, becomes the mind, contracted by the objects of perception." I paused right after reading this sutra, and took a moment to take in the implication that Consciousness is the mind itself. Pretty radical. The mind which has been such a war zone for so many people, something to be controlled, subjugated, in this sutra Kshemaraja is saying that the mind is God, and that it has become contracted by our senses. So everything we see, everything we feel, we smell, we taste, we touch, is in some way contracted. There is always more!
I love to read about animals that can perceive things we can't, or hear things we can't. Swami Shantananda reminds us on this text that dog's ability of smell helps them find food, find someone to mate, to fight and even where to rest. We however do not have the olfactory receptors to do that! Honeybees find their pollen by seeing ultraviolet patterns over flowers; a pattern that's invisible to us. In his incredible book Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy, the great modern day scholar Georg Feuerstein talks about how we do not hear the full range of shrieks that bats create; or the echolocation of dolphins; the calls of elephants; nor can we see like the eagle. Our ability to perceive and appreciate the world is miniscule compared to other animals! So because the objects of perception are limited, there must be other ways to perceive this universe, namely through intuition, wisdom, mediation...
Baba Muktananda tells us in his commentary on this book that this sutra is "the very lifeblood of sadhana. It is priceless. If a seeker could understand [it] and believe in its truth, meditation would come to him by itself, and so would knowledge." The mind is God; a form of God. Everything: your thoughts about what you are having for lunch; what you are doing with your life; your deepest fears and longings; from the trivial to the sublime; anything, everything that passes through this field is God. To be able to see that, to understand that, to even offer your thoughts back to the highest and let them come and go in the field of our mind.
Consciousness is everything, it is all that exists. So when we meditate we can as an exercise let the mind roam free, like a dog without a leash, let it do what it does. And after a while, I've noticed, it will take the posture of turning within itself, abiding in its own nature, and for a moment or so, there's peace.
To finish, here is a quote from Baba Muktananda:
These feelings just arise, but you are not necessarily undergoing them. They are the creation of the mind. You should just understand them. Saivism explains it very beautifully, saying that all these feelings are the creation of limited knowledge. Infinite thoughts arise and subside; infinite creations arise and dissolve, arise and dissolve in the mind.
Sometimes the mind marries somebody, sometimes the mind kills somebody. Should you laugh? Should you cry? A wise person understands that everything is a creation of the mind, and he keeps quiet. Why do you carry somebody else's burden? Why do you carry these feelings on your head? Let them fly away.
A great weekend
This Friday I was honored to teach at Black Dog's Teacher Training. I introduced inversions, namely therapeutic inversions like Headstands and Shoulder Stands. We also talked about sadhana. Sadhana (literally to "go straight to the goal") means a spiritual discipline, a spiritual practice. Sally Kempton defines it as "a spiritual discipline or path... Practices, both physical and mental, on the spiritual path." (The Heart of Meditation) Therefore part of our sadhana right now might include yoga classes, a meditation practice, restorative poses... It might also include walking around our neighborhood, being with nature, reading inspiring literature, trying to be a kind and loving person... I mentioned at the training that I once heard a powerful quote, "If you want to know how advanced your yoga is, look at your relationships." So our sadhana is anything and everything that is helping us along on this journey towards a recognition of our true nature, which is one of conscious bliss. To quote Baba Muktananda, "The essence of sadhana is the constant remembrance of the goal of sadhana, the Self." Or to put it in another way, here is St. Francis of Assisi, "The one you are looking for is the one who is looking." To always remember, why am I here? Why am I teaching? Why am I meditating? Why am I practicing yoga? To connect to my heart, to connect to God who lives within me as me. Reminding ourselves of our intention on this path, will keep us connected simultaneously to our goal and help us along on our journey.
One of the classes of asanas that are incredibly effective on our journey are inversions. Inversions are technically any poses in which the head is below the heart. They include Sirsasana, Shoulder Stand, Halasana, Handstand and Forearm Balance. They also include Downward Facing Dog, Uttanasana and Prasarita Padottanasana. In terms of physical benefits, inversions help optimize and regulate the pulsation of glands and organs. They reverse the insidious effects of gravity. I use that word deliberately because insidious means "operating in a not easily apparent manner." And boy, gravity affects us so deeply that we don't realize it. Think of how in the evening when you are getting ready to drive your car, you have to lower your rearview mirror because you've gotten a bit shorter during the day. And in the morning you are a little taller because the discs between your vertebrae are plumper after your rest. Also gravity helps accumulate blood an lymph in your legs and ankles. Inversions reverse the effects of gravity and after practicing them, circulation is restored with newfound vitality. In terms of psychological benefits, they can calm us down, help us feel more clear and quite simply, they show us the world upside down, which is always helpful in inspiring us to see things from a different point of view.
Sometimes in my home practice I'll do Down Dog, Uttanansana and Prasarita Padottanasana and hold each for about two minutes with blocks supporting my head. When I come out of them, I feel so calm, like I'm ready to go to sleep. It was a joy to teach my friends on Friday and I really did run out of time and look forward to continuing to extol and teach these healing poses.
Then Saturday morning I went to sub at Black Dog, my friend Tiffany's class. Tiffany is one of my dearest friends and one of my greatest teachers. She's on her honeymoon and it was an honor to be there for her. There were about 25 people and although I was a bit nervous, there were so many friends in the room. I spoke about Tiffany, about how happy I am for her. About how radiant she looked at the wedding and about how she lives in my heart. I spoke about her quality of "steadfastness." How she has always been there for me, reminding me of the highest no matter what. About how she is one of those rare friends who when you call them with a problem, she will not be swayed, she will not be caught up in the drama, instead she will hold strong to the highest and remind you to do the same.
We did a fun full spectrum class. I focused mainly on Muscular Energy since that's the UPA which allows us to "hug in to the midline, to hold strong and honor ourselves through the challenges." At one moment we did Handstands with a friend's fist between our thighs, then we capitalized on that work by doing in on our own against the wall, squeezing the knees as we went up into hopefully balancing. We then opened up the hips in fun ways to prepare for backbends. Somewhere during the urdhva dhanurasanas, Ira one of the sweetest students asked if we could do a partnering spot where one person sits on the other's feet, grabs a hold of their calves while the student stretches in the opposite directions. We did that and it went really well.
Afterwards we had a workshop at Black Dog with a Buddhist teacher named Geshe Michael Roach. Geshe Michael is the first foreigner (he's originally from Arizona) in 600 years to be awarded the title of Geshe or Master of Sacred Learning from one of Tibet's largest monasteries, after he had been studying for more than 20 years! The workshop was inspired by Patanjali's classic book "The Yoga Sutras." And Geshe Michael was using it to help us see how we can use our minds to achieve success in whatever aspect of our lives we need it. The talk was inspiring, thoughtful and sweet. But what I took from it was how he honored my friend Jenny Brill. Jenny- who is truly like a sister to me and an amazing yoga teacher- has taught Geshe Michael yoga whenever he comes to visit Black Dog. And Geshe Michael loves her. He talked about her so beautifully, I think he really sees her, and was so laudatory to her. It was supremely moving to witness that. Afterwards -namely because I knew she'd never do it- I called Jenny's parents to tell them about it. They were so happy and proud of her daughter!
Then at night I went to Rose (Black Dog's manager and all around inspiring Goddess!) who had a little get together for Steve and Shirley O' Connor who were the founders of Black Dog. We ate like Kings and had a grand time. It's amazing to think that out of Steve and Shirley's dream of creating Black Dog Yoga in Sherman Oaks, my life has changed so much thanks to them. Now I've been teaching there for so many years, have met some of my greatest and dearest friends and am immensely proud to be one of their Teacher Trainers. And all because Steve and Shirley had a dream to create a yoga studio almost 10 years ago. So may we continue to make our dreams reality, not knowing how they will ripple into other people's lives, truly transforming them.
Off to my "church," the Farmer's Market!
Have a great Sunday everyone.
The Odyssey
I'm almost done with reading Homer's The Odyssey. I've been a lover of Greek myths all my life but I've never actually read this book cover to cover. I keep seeing parallels between Odysseus' journey and my own journey towards the Anusara certification. They were both so long, epic roads filled with adventures, internal monsters and enduring hope towards getting to our own Ithaka.
I was surprised in my reading of The Odyssey of so many things. For instance the book is not linear; it begins half way with Odysseus' son Telemachus telling the story. The book starts in the middle of things which gave the name to a literary technique called "In media res." And isn't that how our own personal stories go? We're always in the middle of things when a challenge hits. Where does one begin to tell a story?
Also, The Odyssey is famous for all it's monsters: Cyclops, Sirens, Scylla, Charybdis, the Lotus-Eaters, Laestrygonians... As a child I memorized all of the monsters, and was terrified and enthralled with them, especially the Sirens. Little did I know that as formidable as these monsters were, the one who most challenged our hero was not a monster but a beautiful demi-Goddess named Calypso. In her company he ended up staying 7 whole years. How interesting to me that his biggest challenge was not something demonic or catastrophic, but rather a beautiful, comfortable distraction in the form of a demi-goddess that kept him for 7 years.
So as I look at the challenges I face I notice that the more dramatic and traumatic they are (car accident, family member's death or illness) I've survived them and moved through with graceful alacrity. However, it is those pernicious, seemingly not-a-big-deal thoughts of "I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy; I'm not as smart, as talented as everybody else" that get lodged into my bones, keeping me stuck for a very long time. Those are the hardest obstacles to surmount.
I've been teaching the last few classes on remembering your intention, especially when things get challenging. There were many a moment in these last four years where I truly believed that I was not going to be certified. But I just would remember why I was doing it in the first place, and that would give wind to my sails.
Theme: Remember your intention.
Focus: First principle of Anusara (Open to Grace)
"Set your foundation with commitment for your journey on this next hour and a half."
"Find your breath. Let that be the first thing you do before you engage."
"Remember why you are here."
This is the template that I've been playing with this week.
Since I teach both advanced and mixed level classes, plus I really really try to teach to the room, the template changes depending on the class...
Child's Pose, Down Dog, Uttanasana
Suryas
Tadasana with arms on the back plane, fingers interlaced, open the heart.
Urdhva Namaskarasana
Crescent,
Down Dog
Uttanasana
Chair,
Standing Back bend
Uttanasana
Parsvakonasana
Parsvakonasana variation with arm on the inside
Bound Parsvakonasana
Prasarita Padottansana
Forearm Balance
Sirsasana 1
Eka Pada Rajakapotasana 1 prep. Add thigh Stretch
Eka Pada Virasana
Camel
Bridge
Urdhva
Urdhva to Camel
Urdhva to standing
Janu Sirsasana
Parvrrta Janu Sirsasana
Omega
Savasana
Anusara Poster Project Poses: Omega, Parivrrta Janu Sirsasana and Parivrrta Upavista Konasana
Highlight: My brother who is NOT a yoga fan walked into my class yesterday at 6PM Black Dog with his girlfriend Garie. They came in just as I was guiding the class to close their eyes for centering. I was so happy to see them and to see him that I instructed everyone to open their eyes and say hi! He said right then and there, "I heard that there was a new certified teacher in town! So I came to class!" How cute is he?
Rhaki Day
Last night before going to sleep, I went up to the roof of my apartment building. Right before you go out there's a sign that says, "tenants should not go to the roof unless it's an emergency." Well, it was Rhaki Day, an Indian holiday which happens on the first full moon of August and I needed to see the full moon. It was an emergency!
Yesterday in India was the holiday where you honor your brothers and sisters; where you give thanks (in the form of a string bracelet) to those who have been there for you and protected you. I called Jorge my one brother and thanked him for being there for me. I also spent the day thinking about those friends of mine who in these last four years of my certification process have been there for me, no matter what. These friends who would literally cry with me (Marc, Hagar), listen to me (Jessica, Lucy), give me great advice (Tara, Tanya), help me with their humor (Jenny, Tony), hug me (Scott), hold me with their wisdow (Joy) and never ever ever give up on me (Tiffany). I thought of them in particular. I thought of how we are bound to so many people, whether we give them a string or not, we simply remember them, how fortunate we are to be so loved.
I've been teaching using the theme of gratitude and have been doing tons of bound poses.
Thinking and talking about what binds you to someone? What binds you to a goal?
Thinking about how if someone would have told me that my certification process would take four years I think that I still would have gone for it.
In fact -to be honest- I didn't ever think that I would get certified.
But I kept trying.
No matter what.
If I was going to fail and fall, I was going to fall reaching for it.
Because the process, however long, mysterious and challenging as it was, was aligning me to the best part of myself.
