What a beautiful sound that word makes. 

You can't force it or scream it; it just softly unfolds out of you. 

Satya...

The first of these eight limbs are the yamas. The yamas (which literally mean "restraints") are the ethical guidelines yogis follow pertaining to relationships: with self, others and Nature. The first yama is ahimsa which literally means non-harming. When we practice ahimsa we are making a conscious decision to be kind and loving with self and others.

The first night was a night of introductions, where we are in a circle and say our names and share something that brought us to yoga. It never ceases to amaze me how my heart skips a beat or two whenever I'm in a circle and have to speak. The malas get triggered, especially anava mala (that feeling of I'm not good enough...) and at times I feel myself comparing my stories with others, or not feeling as accomplished or bright as the person next to me. It's an interesting phenomenon to observe... To observe with loving-kindness, especially.

Several commented on how nervous they were and when my time came, I tried as graceful as I could to step into the seat of the teacher, embodying a more sattvic place. I spoke how hard it is for many of us to speak in front of others and I reminded myself and them to breathe, to share from their hearts. I also pointed out how beautiful the moon and asked if other's noticed is: everyone did. I pointed out how whenever we are in our mind chatter, in our monkey mind, filled with worry, we miss out on the outside world. And when something awe-some like the moon creeps up on us we pause, we look at it, the chatter stops, we become -in some way- one with the object that's being observed, and for a moment, everything is calm.

We then introduced Patanjali and his Ashtanga path. Shari did a great and swift job of that. I spoke about the yamas. Then the lovely and so funny Peter moved to Krishamacharya and his lineage. We ended with a few restorative poses beautifully taught by Sigrid.

I feel like these 12 or so students are reminding me of my own journey back in 2001 when I did my first ever TT. 

I'm sweetly jealous of them. 

They are in for an incredibly transformative ride.

Being someone who was born and raised in Puerto Rico, I recall being told that Cristobal Colón was a brave, kind, and courageous man who discovered our island. I recalled seeing an illustration in one of my old history books of Natives welcoming Colón and his men, whilst everyone seems happy and placid. There's just this little glitch- there are no Natives anymore (Tainos was the actual name of the Arawak indians from PR) because they were massacred. So when you open Zinn's book entitled: "A People's History of the United States: 1492 to the present" the very first page quotes a passage from Colon's diary in which he writes about planning to kidnap 50 Arawak men, women and children.

They kind of forgot to tell us that.

And forgot to tell us about the suffragettes, and the slaves and the poor...

I've been going through some sad personal stuff lately and have not felt any desire to partake in the song-and-dance of my personality, which is overwhelmingly a very bubbly, sunny one. Lately I've had little to no energy to smile and rush over to people, saying hi to them before they say hi to me (my tendency). Lately I've been sulking in corners, practicing yoga at the back of the room when I go take class. The question which has been arising for me is: "If I am not bubbly, sunny, smiling Maria, then who am I? "If I am not good and kind and smiling all the time and taking care of other's needs, then who am I?" Maharshi famously would say to this students to constantly ask themselves: "who am I?" "Who am I?" Might be the most important question we ask ourselves.

Sianna was her radiant and creative self- she is by far my favorite yoga teacher and I simply feel so welcome in her presence. Her energy is so grounded that I feel I can come to her classes/workshops feeling any rasa and she will reach me no matter what. 

Paul Mueller is this powerful Siva-like presence, shining radiant intelligence through his piercing blue eyes and thundering timbre. He oozes brilliance and through my years of sporadic study with him I find myself unpacking things he has said a while back. I always want to meditate even more whenever I study with him.

There was a lot said this weekend and I am still unpacking it.

Interestingly enough one of the phrases that both of them used at different moments was that yoga and this philosophy "rearranges" you. That yoga has the potential to transform our lives and re-organize it. There was a lot of talk about how if everything is made of light, then our work as yogis is to create an alchemy and melt anything that has become frozen, petrified in our lives so that we can tap in to its basic essence, its shakti.

Hugely powerful metaphor that of "melting"; 

melting our identities; 

melting and releasing what needs to be released; 

melting our samskaras.

My favorite story that Paul shared was about the 19th Century sage Ramakrishna Paramahansa. Born in 1836 and died in 1886, he only lived to be 50. But this radiant Indian mystic led an incredibly full and inspiring life. He had so many moments of ecstatic visions that his family thought he was crazy. Later they realized he was a saint and they left him alone to meditate on his beloved Kali-Ma. 

Paul related how Ramakrishna would do puja in front of a Kali-Ma statue in her temple and he would cry and beg the goddess to "show her true form" and "reveal herself to him." Nothing would happen. Ramakrishna was in despair. One time he grabbed a knife that was near the statue (it's Kali-Ma after all) and he threatened to commit suicide unless she revealed her true form. And according to the story he suddenly was filled with an intense light and became completely absorbed into the ocean of consciousness. He famously taught that there is one energy, one God and that it is both form and formless. Paul said that he was a Tantric yogi and he was responsible in great part for the ushering of yoga into modern times.

I kept visualizing Ramakrishna (and if you google him you will see many sweet images of him) crying to the Goddess, asking her to reveal herself! How I can identify with this! I think in some way, whenever we mediate or show up to our practice, we are in some small way asking the Goddess to reveal herself; to reveal her true form. To help us melt away all that separates us from this radiant energy that is who we really are.

I will carry that image of Ramakrishna in front of Kali-Ma with me for a while.

In Anusara we believe that grace is always present: in times of grief, when you are going through a heartbreak, even on dark, stormy days. Those moments of concealment actually can be a gift, as it is only through contrast that we understand it. Quite simply, you only know you are happy because you've been sad. You only know you are healthy because you've been sick. So whenever we experience dark nights of our soul, may we courageously go through them and perhaps even somehow gracefully ride those times, since we know that they will help us appreciate more the happy times, and since we know that grace is there all along.

The Sanskrit word for grace is anugraha. It literally means: "favor, amiability, bestowing benefits." Etymologically speaking, Anu as we know from the word Anusara means "individual" or "piece." It also is a prefix that indicates "following." Graha means "to grab, grasping, taking hold of." So the word for grace, anugraha, thus involves what happens to the individual when they are taken over by something. 

As Swami Shantanada writes in his book The Splendor of Recognition:

"(grace is) a divine gesture that takes hold of an individual in order to bestow favor on her."

This can happen at any moment, at any time. May we open to grace, to the possibility of being taken over by a benevolent force that is always there at every moment.

Theme: Anugraha

Focus: Pulsation between Muscular Energy and Organic Energy

"Place your hands in Downward Facing Dog with the intention of connecting to a bigger energy, the earth and receiving boons from it."

Something to think about: we are so blessed to have these teachings that will help us in times of need!

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Paschimottanasana

There is an aspect of the Hanuman story which really touches my heart. Apparently as powerful as Hanuman was, and he really was endowed with these 8 great powers, he was cursed to forget that he was indeed strong. Here's a direct quote from the Chalisa:

"Due to a curse in his childhood, Hanuman was condemned to not knowing his own strength and power until reminded of it."

So here is this ever powerful being who forgets he is strong. And then someone comes along and reminds him of who he is and through that memory, his strength awakens. 

As we go through the trials of our lives, and all of us walk through challenges at some point or another, some days we literally feel that we cannot go on; that we cannot get out of bed; that we can't do what is asked of us. We forget not only that we are strong, but we forget our true nature. My teacher Sally Kempton once said (and I am paraphrasing her so it in no way will be as magically eloquent as she is) that whenever we feel sad, angry, anxious, depressed,and/or alone, it's because we've forgotten who we really are. And like Hanuman we strive to remember. 

Sometimes it's through remembering our intention for practicing. 

Sometimes it is a friend who calls and is there for us. 

Sometimes it is simply taking a deeper breath, and then another. 

And we find our strength again. 

Theme: Hanuman: "Remembering our strength"

Focus: Muscular Energy

Highlights: Reminding students of the three currents of Muscular Energy.

Anusara Poster Pose Project: Agni Stambasana

Something to think about:

I had an insight recently. 

I've been going through a hard time. 

But instead of staying home, I decided to go to an Anusara workshop over the weekend. 

And I realized how in an Anusara class/workshop the energy is so happy and so high. I found it very difficult to be around, with me being in a sad place. I almost found it unbearable. I went to a corner and avoided most people and kept really low key.

My insight was that this energy, especially when it is so high, can be shocking and a bit off-putting to those who are in pain. Of course I am in no way suggesting to cloak or hide our bliss. But rather it was such a powerful reminder that as a teacher to be as centered as I possibly can when I teach. Sometimes me being the bubbly person that I am, I come to class really high up and I forget not everyone is in that place and that they cannot meet me there. That I can never know what everyone in the room is feeling. So my insight was to stay really centered. To teach a class that everyone can relate to, not just the ones who are having a great day.

I hope this makes sense.

Grace is something hard to talk about. It's not a fact that we memorize like the yamas or the niyamas. It is not something that was "discovered" in a specific date or something that was written a long time ago or something that only a few people have experienced. 

It is always there.

It is a force that lives in us, that is us. 

We all experience it and we are all it. 

John Friend describes it as a force which reveals to us our true nature.

I think as teachers it behooves us to constantly ask ourselves, what is grace for me? How can I best express this most inexpressible experience? What stories do I have that will best elucidate this concept?

When I was in Maui recently I had an incredibly simple yet potent experience. I was in the Pacific surrounded by Maui's tumultuous ocean. I looked around me and saw all the waves. I thought to myself that I cannot control this force. It's too big. It's bigger than me. And I wouldn't want to control it. All I can do is attune to it, and when a waves comes, flow with it. That was it. That was Anusara. Flowing with grace. And as if on cue a wave came along and I took my baby board and surfed it. 

Sometimes when I am hitting a handstand in the middle of the room I am so attuned to a force that holds and supports me. I go to this place where there is no time, no language even, where I'm one with every part of me. Where I am graceful.

Theme: Open to Grace

Something to think about: 

I think students really are grateful when you remind them to breathe and to soften. Especially in hard poses.

I think it's also important to remind people that grace is always there but you have to step into it; it's not a passive or casual thing. You have to invoke it, attune to it, step into it and dance with it.

Anusara Poster Project Pose: Baby Cradle

I've been re-reading Patanjali's Yoga Sutras to prepare for the training. Patanjali famously defined yoga as "citta vrtti nirodha" or yoga is the "cessations of the fluctuations of the mind." What an interesting statement to chew upon and reflect on for the rest of our lives!  Yoga is the experience of what happens when the mind stops identifying with outside stimuli and inner turmoil. When the mind (defined as the totality of your mental processes) stills and quiets down, then the Seer, the Self, the Witness can rest in its own presence. Think of when a river is agitated how you cannot see your image but when the waters settle, you can see yourself.